thinking about starting meds

[Horst]

Hello everyone,

It has been a while since I visited. Our boys are in winter sports and my husband and I are youth advisors in our church youth group - BUSY.

Anyway, my ADD (not H) son has been on fish oil & vit E and it has helped, but he still struggles with focus - retaining info, being organized, just plain remembering. I've been tutoring him bigtime and am alway when he can pull off a C on a test. We spend soooo much time studying and we get so frustrated at each other. I'm beginning to wonder if we should try meds - and I'm almost hoping that you guys talk me out of it:)

The other day I read a report about how much worse ADHD 17 yr olds drive than the control group of 17 yr olds. All of a sudden it hit me, this is going to effect him all his life in very many areas. (duh) I've been keeping myself going by telling myself that once he gets through school, all will be better, but now I'm not so sure.

I've also read that in some kids, after taking meds for 2 or 3 years, new pathways were built in their brains that were more like non ADHD kids.

Like all of you, I want to do the best for my son and just wish I knew what that was. Well, I've unloaded some of my meandering thoughts - do you have any words of wisdom for me?

Horst

[finnmom]

Horst, nice to see you´re back.

Hardly any words of wisdom here, but your situation sound´s familiar Weather to medicate or not, that´s the biggest question wit adhd child in family. No parent want´s to medicate their kid, we found it good for us but it might not be good for all. Every kid is different as you know.

About adhd affecting through all the life; yes it does, but it get´s better by the age. Good childhood help´s too, if the kid learns the right way´s to co-operate with his/her´s adhd, he/she will know those ways as an adult too. Good selfesteem that has been built up as a kid, will help them through all those difficulties that´ll come to their way(difficulties that´ll come to all kid´s when grouw up, not adhd-kid´s only)

My ds is hyper, med´s(concerta 18mg+ritalin-booster 5mg on schooldays only) do help him to concentrate better at school, he tell´s us himself that med´s make him calmer and make´s the schoolday easier for him. That´s the biggest reason for us to medicate him, plus that he has extremely low selfesteem, doing better at school and with friend´s helps him to feel better of himself too.

For me thats the thing why: to help him get throught the school so he´ll have a future ahead of him and help him understand how extremely gifted, wonderfull and cabable person he is. I wish we could do this without med´s, but since that´s not an option, I´ll take the med´s!

This is your decision, no one can/should make you deside eather way. Good thing is that you can try, you dont have to carry on if that doesnt´work.....

It´s hard I know, but I´am sure you´ll find the way

[Linda]

We are not here to talk you into or out of anything....as marja said it is a personal decision...for us we decided to medicate for some of the very reasons you describe.Paul is in 11th grade now and med free. Some kids are able to do that ....others not

As far as driving goes Paul... will be 17 in March and is a very good and concientious driver...he will have his permanent license in a few months.

For us some of the symtoms DO get better....he was very hyper as a small child....he has taken that hyperness and put it into work and school. He will never have good handwriting...but what a tradeoff for the person he has become.

Welcome back~~~~~~~~~Linda

[catatonic]

Horst,
It's a very very difficult decision to make, and no matter what you decide right now, you may find yourself reevaluating that decision a few months down the road. You're obviously a caring parent and will do what you believe in your heart is right for your child. That's what we all try to do.

My personal belief is that non-pharmaceutical treatments can be as successful as medication, but require more patience and fine-tuning. There have been times when my patience has run out and I've considered the medication option, but have always decided against it. I look at the children my son is in school with, the ones I know are on medication, and I don't think most of them are any better off than he is, despite the meds. Some of them, in fact, are an awful lot worse. So where's the benefit of medicating?

And since ADHD is something my son will deal with for his entire life, he needs to learn who he is, how to handle himself, how to cope with the world...and I don't believe that being chemically altered would help him learn any of those things. I fear that what the experience would teach him is that he's defective, that he needs medication to change him so that his teachers, friends and family can find him acceptable.

One of my 15-year-old's closest friends is a girl with ADHD. She's taken medication for years. She's pretty, smart and talented...and has just about zero self-esteem. She makes remarks a lot about her defective brain and psycho personality and taking drugs to make her "normal". Another one of his friends is a boy with ADHD (they've known each other since 2nd grade). He says he takes his ADHD medication so his teachers won't hate him, but that it doesn't work. I don't see that meds have helped these kids' self-esteem at all.

I'll get off my soap box now and stick to practical stuff. Before using medications make sure your physician conducts a thorough physical workup of your child. (You may have already done this.) There are so many easily treated conditions that can cause symptoms identical to ADHD that it's negligent on the part of any doctor to prescribe medication without conducting some basic tests first. At a minimum, these should include a test of thyroid function, a screening for lead, and a CBC (blood count) to detect anemia. Make sure hearing and vision are normal. Have a comprehensive metabolic panel run to check for other abnormalities that might affect behavior. These are all simple, standard tests that insurance will cover.

When my best friend's son was in 5th grade, the school advised her that he appeared to be ADHD and she ought to talk to her doctor and consider putting him on medication. She requested the tests above, and it turned out that he was severely anemic. Once the anemia was treated, the "ADHD" disappeared. To have simply decided he was ADHD and placed him on medication would have left a serious condition untreated, and yet many doctors go directly to prescription pad without following good medical practice in ruling out other possibilities. Unfortunately, most of us won't find such an easy answer, but the attempt still ought to be made.

Remember that whatever you decide, it's not irrevocable. You can always reevaluate and change your mind. Maybe a month trial of meds would help you determine if that's the route you want to go long-term. You'll do what you feel is right, and whatever that decision is, you'll find help and support here...so take a deep breath, remind yourself what a wonderful mom you are, and keep in mind that we can make a million mistakes in rearing our children and they will forgive us for all of them as long as they know we love them.

[rosyred45]

Horst, I am sorry you are going through this

Mikey's teacher told me a while ago that meds would help him. I cried.

But just as Linda and Marja have pointed out, they are helping their loved ones.

Catatonic has a very good point of other problems to be tested for. Mikey has very bad vision, just like his Momma When he wears his glasses, he can focus, concentrate, and is different then when he doesn't have them.....like for a month because he broke them and I kept forgetting to take them to the drs office

Anyhow. When someone even asks me about, say, asprin or tylenol, I ask them what else they have done to fix the pain or problem. Is there something that can be taken away or adjusted so you don't have to take it.

This is over the counter stuff that I do not give at my house. I guess it is my life, I can live with Mikey being hyper.

I can't tell you how to act. I can give you methods that have helped my kids, which is very hard since my kids are so hard to punish. They are too easy going and adjustable, which is just how I want them to be in society.

Can I ask what else you have tried to adjust to eliminate negative behaviors and for concentration?

[Horst]

As usual I'm amazed by the support and encouragement I find on this site - as well as the useful information. Thanks.

Catatonic, I will certainly have him tested for the conditions you suggested before I even consider meds. I'm so glad you gave specifics, my family doc isn't very proactive. Rosey Red, you asked what else I have tried for behavior and focus. Well, we don't really have very many behavior issues beyond what is normal for an 8 year old. As far as focus, we've done brain gym, fish oil & vit E, and trying to memorize things in a way more suited to his style. For instance, to memorize the times tables, his brain gym tutor gave him picture cards that made it so much easier. 4x4=16 is a picture of a
SUV(4 by 4) with a teenager throwing up out the window (sick teen). Sounds gross, but it is right up an 8 yr old boy's alley! He remembers much better with pictures and associations. And we review, review, review. Do you have some other good ideas for me that have worked with your kids?

Andy is in 3rd grade right now and all his school work is progressing to higher and higher levels and he is having much more difficulty. I'm sure you've been there too!

Again, thanks for your support,
Horst

[rosyred45]

A little gross, but your right, right up an 8 yr olds alley ;D

With Mikey, as soon as he understands something, he has it filed in that little brain of his. With my daughter, she picks up on things quickly and retains "most" of it.

Let me see what I have in the book shelves that might help. I deal with more the Hyper part of things with Mikey, and we have been suspecting Tara for the attention thing.....little space cadet sometimes, but not too bad all the time.

I'll be back with some info

What kind of math do they have? The school last year instituted Everyday Math, which I don't care for, because it teaches in a very scattered way, (I think) but the kids seem to adjust to it.....I guess I'm just old school.

Do they have phonics or sight words for the younger grades? I've noticed the kids around here aren't being taught to sound words out to spell them. I had a 7th grader ask how to spell elevate

[eaccae]

I don't know if this is something you would find interesting - I just ordered the game Mad Math so I don't know how good it is - but it looked interesting - I liked that the game was played on the times tables - maybe it will help the kids subconsiously memorize them?

mindwareonline.com - Math Games

I also want to order Factor Frenzy but it won't be in stock for another couple of weeks.

I like this site - it has some great games, fun learning aides.

[Horst]

Rosyred & Eaccae,

Andy's school does Everyday Math too. I don't like it either - scattered is a good way to describe it. It moves along so quickly that it doesn't allow kids to get a good foundation in a skill. The premis is that the ciriculum is spiral and the skill will come around again at a higher level. but if you didn't get it the first time, it comes back harder... Let's just say that Andy is not thriving in Everyday Math - but his brothers do fine with it.

Phonics and sight reading are taught at our school and Andy can read well, but his comprehension isn't quite as good.

Eaccae, thanks for the math games info. I have found some good stuff in home school catalogs. But I find that I don't have time to use it and tutor Andy in his school studies - Ughhhhh!

Thanks for caring,
Horst

[rosyred45]

Oh Joy, we aren't the only school with not likers of this math

The kids don't even know the basics to begin with so how on earth are they supposed to do something else. Had a boy in 3rd grade ask what 9+8 was um, the problem before that was 8+9 This is the same one that had problems with decimals, so I told him to thinkk of it like money and not decimals...picked right up on it.

If your son has a problem with decimals, you might try that, it's worth a shot.

I was always terrible at reading comprehension too, so I'm not too much of a help there :-[On those standardized tests, I'd get in the high 90's in everything EXCEPT reading comp.......there would be the nice ole 65 if I was lucky.

I think just reading something out loud helped me, but I don't really remember, let me ask my mom about that one

[gina1kid]

It was real difficult choice for our family placing my DS on stimulants. So I definitely know how your are feeling.

When my DS was first diagnose at 6 years of age for ADHD, we tried the natual alternative supplements and diet. It work some what for him, but not enough to really see a difference.

We started my DS on stimulants when he was in first grade. I believe we started out with Ritalin and now he is on Concerta, which is working well for him. He is currently 8 years old.

Based on our experience there has been a dramatic difference in his grades and self esteem while on stimulants. They have both improve so much since he was in kindergarten. He gets good grades and loves to participate in sports.

I was very worried about his self esteem while he was on natural supplements because he was always in trouble for not focusing on his work and being very impulsive.

Our decision on stimulants was very hard. But my husband and I, tried to put our selves in the situation of my DS and we both agreed if that was us, we would want our parents to help us, even if it meant that the help would be in the form of safe proven medication.

Stimulants have been around for over 30 years. They are FDA approved, where most natural supplements are not. I believe it's important if you choose medication for ADHD, to have a good knowledgeable doctor who will monitor the meds frequently for your child.

Just so you know, we haven't given up on natural vitamin supplements, just because we are on meds. I also give my DS EPA/DHA fish oil capsules and vitamin E. This together with Concerta has been great for my DS.

Good luck with your decision. It is a hard decision..that I know. My best advice is to try the meds. If it doesn't work then you will know. Who knows... you might see a better quality of life for your child.

Take care.

Gina