The behaviors that drive me the most nuts...

[lindad5432]

Now that we're seeking a diagnosis, these are the behaviors that make me think something just isn't right. Can you tell me if these sound like typical ADHD types of problems??

~ This child MUST be in the center of everything. If her two sisters are playing, she must bust in and and the fun be about HER. For example, if the baby is laughing at someone making faces, then she will insert herself in the middle of the two of them and make faces in an attempt to get the baby to laugh at her. It always has to be about HER. She always must insert herself into the center of the attention. (and believe me, she GETS plenty of attention here).

~ If any opportunity occurs where children are told to go stand in line, she will PUSH, often unfairly, to make sure she's at the front of the line.

~ When any guests come to our home, she is ALL over them, sometimes physically but at the minimum she monopolizes their time and attention.

~ She has resorted to lying (frequently) and cheating on tests (more than once) and has even stolen from friends.

~ The biggest thing she seems to have in common with her school friends is that they are all pretty much outcasts where the more popular kids are concerned.

~ She loves books and loves to be read to, but cannot seem to get through doing reading independently (even though she's almost 9).

~ She seems almost UNABLE to obey very simple straight forward commands such as "Stop! Now!"

~ She is so eager to please and she loves to do things that get her positive responses, but too often her choices are sooooo incompatible with that desire.

~ We're to the point where I cannot even help her with homework. It is so painful and turns ugly almost every time. She refuses to listen to any explanations or advise or accept the help I offer. Same thing happened with her father. Right now, her grandpa does homework with her.

~ When things do go south (like homework attempts) the outbursts are highly charged and emotional.

~ Outside of school, she seems to gravitate to playing with much younger children.

~ She absolutely cannot seem to sit still. Unless she's in front of the TV.

Do these behaviors seem to fit into a typical ADHD profile??? If someone described a child like this to you, what would your thoughts be?

[lindad5432]

Oh my goodness.... I didn't mean to put that witch in there. LOL I was using a typical sad-face emoticon short cut and I guess you guys have the colon-parenthesis mapped to the witch. haha She kind of seems out of place in those places where she shows up above. Sorry 'bout that...

[tridlette]

WE LOVE OUR WITCHY POO!

;D

Yeah, I think that if you took a Connor's questionaire, or any other ADHD profile, you will find those personality traits right up among the top defining characteristics.

But, that can be good news. Knowing what drive the child makes it easier to work with her!

So many of our kids have been mis-labelled over the years... finding the cause is the root of modifying the behavior issues!

She sounds like she is probably a very wonderful young lady waiting to blossom... she is just very eager to get there!

My niece was very similar... always the mother hen to the younger kids... bossy and pushy... and would say anything to sound important. Well, now that she is a senior in college... guess what she has decided to major in?

She wants to be a psychologist! ;D

She has met them all, she knows the job better than anyone, and she will be great at it!

Your daughter will find the right niche too. But, in the mean time, it is best to find out what makes her tick, and teach her how to modify behaviors to help her best succeed down the road.

Now, having said all that, remember that I am simply a stay at home mom right now, and I am here on this forum because I can't get my son to self-regulate... and he is 14 1/2.

[camismom]

I'm going to adress these one at a time if you don't mind, all going by the observations of my own ADHD daughter, and other kids I personally know that are ADHD.

~ This child MUST be in the center of everything. If her two sisters are playing, she must bust in and and the fun be about HER. For example, if the baby is laughing at someone making faces, then she will insert herself in the middle of the two of them and make faces in an attempt to get the baby to laugh at her. It always has to be about HER. She always must insert herself into the center of the attention. Yes, that sounds just like my Cami. Any time she saw someone doing something that made another person laugh, she had to jump in and do the same thing, pretty much taking over. I have witnessed the same in my friend's daughter that is ADHD.

~ If any opportunity occurs where children are told to go stand in line, she will PUSH, often unfairly, to make sure she's at the front of the line. Yep, that's pretty common. Cami had to be the boss of everything! When her an my step-dd's were younger, she would have knock-down drag outs with them if they sat in the middle of the back seat! That seat was hers!!! She had to be the boss of everything that they did.. it was her way or no way.

~ When any guests come to our home, she is ALL over them, sometimes physically but at the minimum she monopolizes their time and attention. Now this one isn't like Cami, she is and has always been very shy. The only person she would be all over when we had guest was me. She would sit practically on top of me, and whisper eveything to me. She would even be too shy to talk. When someone spoke to her, she would want me to be her mouth piece. It would get quite annoying!!! Now, on the other hand, she has a cousin that is ADHD and I have seen what you talked about in her. Esp. with adults. She gravitates to them instead of hanging with the kids and tries to act like an adult herself.

~ She has resorted to lying (frequently) and cheating on tests (more than once) and has even stolen from friends. [i/] I think lying is common for all kids at some point or another. Cheating and stealing I have no experience with.

~ The biggest thing she seems to have in common with her school friends is that they are all pretty much outcasts where the more popular kids are concerned. I think this is pretty common in ADHD kids mostly because they miss the social cues for one, and non ADHD kids have a hard time keeping up with them... their constant activity, the bossiness mentioned earlier, and even with some the ups and downs of their emotions. I mean think about it.... if we as adults can get so annoyed by them at times, another child certainly can too.

~ She loves books and loves to be read to, but cannot seem to get through doing reading independently (even though she's almost 9). This is a good thing!! Try to encourage it as much as possible. Cami too loves books and loves to read, but when she was younger we couldn't get her to sit still long enough to be read too. The fact that your dd can't get through reading independently is probably due to the attention deficit. She starts to read and her mind wonders, something else catches her attention.

~ She seems almost UNABLE to obey very simple straight forward commands such as "Stop! Now!" That's the defiance that sometimes comes with ADHDrs... but then again, I feel this is a phase all kids go thru at some times in their lives.

~ She is so eager to please and she loves to do things that get her positive responses, but too often her choices are sooooo incompatible with that desire. Common too.

[~ We're to the point where I cannot even help her with homework. It is so painful and turns ugly almost every time. She refuses to listen to any explanations or advise or accept the help I offer. Same thing happened with her father. Right now, her grandpa does homework with her. Homework is a complete nightmare around here. Cami just can't stay focused to do it, therefore she gets frustrated and it all goes downhill. The year she was dx'd (1st grade) homework would take all night and turn into major, major battles with meltdowns that would last an hour or more.

~ When things do go south (like homework attempts) the outbursts are highly charged and emotional. See lat sentence above again.

~ Outside of school, she seems to gravitate to playing with much younger children. Common in ADHD. They do not mature as fast as non ADHD kids, therefore they feel more comfortable around the younger crowd. Plus, there is less pressure there to please and fit in. It's also easier to be the boss. lol

~ She absolutely cannot seem to sit still. Unless she's in front of the TV. Typical too. My child is up and down, up and down so much she wears me out! Even now as a teenager... when she is own the phone she will literally pace up and down the hallway whil talking. As far as the t.v. , this is what we refer to as "hyperfocusing." T.V., video games, anything they find interesting they CAN stay focused on.

I hope this helps you some. I know it's probably not what you want to hear, but it all sounds like pretty classic symptoms. But again, like we've said before, it's not the end of the world.... just a begininng of a new one where you know what you're dealing with and you will know what you can do to help it.

[Linda]

It drives me nuts too but things get better as they get older...for most of us anyway Funny what you get used to though

[momto3wolves]

Hi Linda!

I'll do my kid for you...
This child MUST be in the center of everything. ~Alex doesn't do this, but he does seek attention by being silly, the class clown. Most of the time this comes off as being "weird".

~ If any opportunity occurs where children are told to go stand in line, she will PUSH, often unfairly, to make sure she's at the front of the line. ~Alex will goof around in line sometimes, not always.

~ When any guests come to our home, she is ALL over them, sometimes physically but at the minimum she monopolizes their time and attention. ~Usually he is more shy than anything, but that is just him.

~ She has resorted to lying (frequently) and cheating on tests (more than once) and has even stolen from friends. ~Yep, recently started to lie, and I have a hard time deciphering the lies and truths.

~ The biggest thing she seems to have in common with her school friends is that they are all pretty much outcasts where the more popular kids are concerned. ~A lot of his friends do seem to be the wilder kids or the "outcast".

~ She loves books and loves to be read to, but cannot seem to get through doing reading independently (even though she's almost 9).~He reads very well, but will frequently not finish the book. He just goes on to something else.

~ She seems almost UNABLE to obey very simple straight forward commands such as "Stop! Now!" ~When he gets wound up, it is hard to calm him down. He still uses his blanket for this. Taking it away has been disastrous.

~ She is so eager to please and she loves to do things that get her positive responses, but too often her choices are sooooo incompatible with that desire.~Very much a people pleaser, but frequently doesn't "know" what he's supposed to be doing to get the positive attention.

~ We're to the point where I cannot even help her with homework. It is so painful and turns ugly almost every time. She refuses to listen to any explanations or advise or accept the help I offer. Same thing happened with her father. Right now, her grandpa does homework with her. ~So far, we don't have that. Give me another year or 2 and we'll see...

~ When things do go south (like homework attempts) the outbursts are highly charged and emotional. ~He's always been very sensitive, it was a good thing when he was younger. Now it just makes him look immature.

~ Outside of school, she seems to gravitate to playing with much younger children. ~Likes younger children, and says he's afraid of the older kids, even though he's tall and "cool looking". lol

~ She absolutely cannot seem to sit still. Unless she's in front of the TV.~ Yep.

Do these behaviors seem to fit into a typical ADHD profile??? If someone described a child like this to you, what would your thoughts be? ~Knowing what I know now, I would say it sounds like they could have ADHD. A few years ago, I would have said, "oh, they're just a kid."

Do you have an appt. for an evaluation? We have to wait until Sept. The school is going to evaluate him for any learning disabilities, and a "time-on-task" to see exactly how much time he spends in space.

Jen (Glad you popped in!)

[lindad5432]

[but he does seek attention by being silly, the class clown. Most of the time this comes off as being "weird"]

Yes! I'm ashamed to say it, but so often I'm just embarrassed by her attempts at humor... usually they aren't all that funny, they do come off as 'weird' and she doesn't seem to know when she's crossed the line... she takes it toooo far and doesn't know when to stop. Sigh.

I know that some of these behaviors are pretty typical for ALL kids... I have two daughters in college, so I've gone full-cycle with a few kids already.

Our evaluation is in a few days...

[Linda]

There are some of us that have kids that are truly funny. Paul is one of these kids....I swear he could be a stand up comic. He was very funny when he was small too.

[momto3wolves]

I just wish he could understand that the other kids don't think he's funny when he does this. He was talking to me at lunchtime today and he kept going on and on...I'll admit it, I blanked out. When he was done, I said something like "okay, chatty cathy..." and he asked me if he was being annoying. I try to listen to him, but man, he just doesn't stop sometimes.

[mskris]

I think some of the behaviors you describe can be personality traits, while others may be more seen in ADHD girls than boys. Your descriptions sounded more like my dd (7, non-adhd so far) than my ds (10, adhd). The info about being the center of attention and getting in the middle with the baby is definitely my dd. Most of that behavior (which is recent) I've chalked up to jealousy of the baby. Neither of my kids would be all over guests, but Amy would definitely want to be part of the group, whereas my ds would mumble a hello and leave asap.
That said, ds does act silly among his peers at school. He'll do things that he thinks are funny to get their attention. His friends are generally his age, although he has one that's in second grade (he's in 4th) ~ but that one was his "little buddy" at school (older kids paired with younger kids in a school situation), so it's explainable. One of his friends is a year older and another is 2 yrs older.
Homework and the tv issue are classic. Yes, the outbursts are way out of proportion to the situation. We used to cry, yell, etc. every night - exhausting! Medication has definitely helped in that area. He is addicted to any tv, movie, video games (which we ban in our house), etc. This is very typcial of adhd kids.
He loves to be read to (although he can't sit still - he'll be doing somersaults off the bed while I read), but hates to read (he has just started reading comic books to himself, and that's an improvement, IMHO).
He wouldn't be pushing in line, but he might be acting silly (dd wouldn't do either).
DS has found his social niche and he has a group of kids he pals around with. He's only in 4th grade, so the cliques aren't too bad yet. I dread middle school.
He finds it hard to "stop! wait!" especially if he hasn't had his medication. Switching from one activity to another is another issue, too.
He lies occasionally, as most kids might. However, he would never (I don't think) steal because a kid stole something of his last year and he was devastated. He doesn't cheat, that I'm aware of. He has a bad habit of "borrowing" things in the house and not returning them, though!
That's about all. As I said, I've heard girls vs. boys are quite different, so some of your dd's behavior might be gender specific.
Good luck. Just the fact that you're questioning this is reason to be evaluated.
Kris

[finnmom]

Hi, adding my 2 cent´s in here too.

I think a lot of those you descriped are personality traits, but alot of those are deffenately adhd too.

My dd7, non-adhd is just that kind of a attention seeker you descriped, I think it´s being the midle child in our case. My ds9, adhd is not such much for attention or being the center piece, he goofe´s around but i think mostly unintentionally...

Homework´s, tv...yeah that sound´s familiar, I think those are really classic thing´s The outburst´s and incompatible choice´s to please other´s...yep, I can relate to that...

Like being said to you before, lot of those are so cleary trait´s of adhd, I´d deffenately try to get her to doc.

Knowing the right thing is a good start, if and when you do get the dx then you will have something to "fight" for, it really does make life much easier.

Good luck

[kstquilter]

linda,
are you sure we don't have the same daughter?? i guess i see most of these as more adhd than some of the others. i know some of these symptons are typical of all kids, but our kids don't seem to outgrow them the way other kids do. at least not mine and she's 20.
she always wants to be the center of attention, she lies and steals although that has gotten better over the years. the lying is still around to some degree.
she likes younger kids, always makes all the rules and is so bossy. she loves to read and does read all the time so that's one place our kids are different. she talks constantly about things that no one really cares about to the degree she does. she isn't shy at all and does like to be the center of attention with any new people too. she never was real popular and more of an outcast and has now taken that to the degree of seeking out being different. i don't mind some but she can be so in your face about it that it's offputting for most people. you did the right thing in finding someone else to help with homework. we hired tutors from the local college to help. even when i was still able to help, neither of my kids would listen to dh or me as much as they would someone else. she rarely sits still, even now. she reads while watching tv, talks on the phone, recites the lines back or talks throughout the show.
if i saw a child with these same symptoms, i'd suggest there might be something going on beyond a typical child. but that would only be if they asked for my opinion.
on her meds, she seems much more toned down in most of these symptoms but they still don't go away.
good luck with your evaluation. let us know how it goes.
karen