MomA
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Posts: 58
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Post by MomA on Dec 10, 2003 14:29:16 GMT -5
We have an appointment next week with a new Dr. and I'm going to bring this up, but I'm wondering what other parents think from experience.
I find myself, more and more, flustered and yelling at my 6 yo: "WHY do you always do the opposite of what I say?" He can be aggressive. If he gets in a state, he'll pinch, punch, ram me with his head...whatever works for him. He won't take responsibility but will blame me for making him mad, and it's always over something silly.
His past therapist, whom he and I adored, believed it was only his hyperness (he's severe on the 'H'), energy that we had to help him focus somewhere else.
The other thing is, he's nowhere near as defiant and aggressive as some of the things I hear from parents with ODD kids. He's also the opposite in school. Only once, last year, did I hear that he said "No" to a teacher, and I put an end to that quickly with nothing more than a serious talk about it. In fact, he goes out of his way to make the adults at school happy, and all I ever hear is how sweet and delightful he is. (forcing me to bang my head and ask WHAT child are they are talking about?)
On the other hand, it happens more than once a day, and I'm at my wits end with my sweet boy going out of his way to get in trouble. He also recently learned that phrase that makes a Mom's heart growl: "I HATE you." I try to stay calm with that one and just tell him "I'm sorry to hear that because I love you so much, and I hope you'll feel better soon."
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Post by AustinsMom on Dec 10, 2003 14:42:36 GMT -5
This is a tough issue for me. I like to minimize everything, and have been saying my son has some of the same tendencies as an ODD child. But we did a parent checklist where we rated specific behaviors and when it is scored, your score indicates if your child is in the range of normal, borderline, or clinical diagnosis. And ds was in the clinical diagnosis category for ADHD and ODD....So to answer your question there are tests and measures that can categorize behavior and show where your child fits in the range of behaviors of ODD. We were doing the checklist to obtain an ADHD diagnosis for school accomodations, and the ODD thing kind of surprised me.
And I'm not sure why they tend to go right for the heart when they want to wound with words, but they have a sure aim sometimes don't they. My son flings words like arrows sometimes, but is always sorry afterwards. At 8 he is much better at controlling those impulses however, so things do get better.
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Post by AnneM on Dec 10, 2003 14:55:25 GMT -5
This is a tough issue for me. I like to minimize everything, and have been saying my son has some of the same tendencies as an ODD child. But we did a parent checklist where we rated specific behaviors and when it is scored, your score indicates if your child is in the range of normal, borderline, or clinical diagnosis. And ds was in the clinical diagnosis category for ADHD and ODD....So to answer your question there are tests and measures that can categorize behavior and show where your child fits in the range of behaviors of ODD. We were doing the checklist to obtain an ADHD diagnosis for school accomodations, and the ODD thing kind of surprised me. And I'm not sure why they tend to go right for the heart when they want to wound with words, but they have a sure aim sometimes don't they. My son flings words like arrows sometimes, but is always sorry afterwards. At 8 he is much better at controlling those impulses however, so things do get better. Hi Austinsmom ... was this an online questionnaire and if so do you know where it was ... it sounds like it could be excellent for the parents of ODD (or possible ODD) kids .... |
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Post by swmom on Dec 10, 2003 15:59:00 GMT -5
MomA -
Nice to know someone else's child seems to become an angel once they get to school. Oh, that's so frustrating, isn't it? The good thing about that is that you know they have the ABILITY to control their behavior. But why are they such devils at home? You ought to be able to let your hair down a little, but geez! The charts
that we've been using help provide more structure at home plus the incentive to behave. I think she and all ADHD kids desparately need structure in everything they do. At school, the incentive to behave is not wanting to look bad among your classmates, eh?
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Post by milesofsmiles on Dec 10, 2003 16:38:29 GMT -5
Swmom, My wife witness first hand today what I have been trying to explain all the while. When he is in school, he has a routine, knows the rules, interacts properly. At home, he turns his ears off, yells and screams, demands, acts helpless.....totally different child. I figure by the end of the school year when he is comfortable with his teachers, he will let down his guard and let his true nature come out... Miles  |
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Post by AustinsMom on Dec 10, 2003 21:33:02 GMT -5
AnneM, the diagnostic tool I was referring to is called something like the Connors Parent Checklist. It's a pretty standard test used with ADHD.
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MomA
Member
Posts: 58
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Post by MomA on Dec 12, 2003 10:25:05 GMT -5
Thanks for the replies folks. Part of it is that I like to minimize things also and don't want my son to have another diagnosis. His wonderful original therapist worked wonders on some of these behaviors using play therapy and the fact that my son knows right from wrong and truly wants to do right. She moved out of state and we were left with another therapist who was never able to relate with him and instead has been overanalyzing him.
All I really want is someone who can work with us like the first therapist--someone who will help us find things that work rather than just looking for something else wrong.
You made me laugh, Miles. That's exactly how my son changes from school to home. And Swmom--I read in the other thread about your charts. I tried a similar sticker chart last year. My son was so excited and would purposely do something to remind me he should get a sticker for it. Then, as soon as he had the number he was aiming for, he'd stop. If I tried to give him more, he'd tell me not to because he already reached his goal and didn't want them. So much for that!
Not to go on to long, but I'll add that I've been especially concerned this week because of his behavior, which is what made me post now. The night before last, he suddenly said his ear hurt, and his fever shot up. He stayed up all night screaming in pain. His ear infection is bad enough that the Dr. said only "Wow...Oh my God!" when she checked it. Since no infection that bad comes out of nowhere, I figure he's been suffering with this for awhile and was probably extra miserable with me because of it. Hope I'm right!
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Post by AnneM on Dec 19, 2003 13:36:21 GMT -5
This is a good question!! ... I definitely suspected my son of ODD when he was aged 13 and undergoing diagnosis. The result (according to our doctors) was negative ... They told me that he was NOT ODD and that his behaviour was purely the "norm" for an (at the time) 13 year old .... Well AT THAT TIME ... you certainly could have fooled me because I honestly thought it was ODD .... and I thought "If this isn't ODD then I really feel for the parents of kids who ARE ODD"... However now he is 15 and the picture has become clearer and I would actually agree that he isn't ODD ... but that "line" (In my opinion) can be at times EXTREMELY THIN ...
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MomA
Member
Posts: 58
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Post by MomA on Dec 22, 2003 12:07:03 GMT -5
The new Dr. we visited (much more experienced with kids than the last therapist) said that my son might have some oppositional defiant tendencies, but that she doesn't see signs of anything beyond ADHD.
Whew! I needed to hear that.
Of course, I don't look forward to him turning 13! Just 7 more, way-too-fast years.
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Post by AnneM on Dec 22, 2003 12:43:45 GMT -5
The new Dr. we visited (much more experienced with kids than the last therapist) said that my son might have some oppositional defiant tendencies, but that she doesn't see signs of anything beyond ADHD. Whew! I needed to hear that. Of course, I don't look forward to him turning 13! Just 7 more, way-too-fast years. This is good news MomA !! ... and I think ALL kids have some oppositional defiant "tendancies" ... (and maybe most especially in the early teenage years!) ... but again it comes down to that "line" making the difference between odd and not odd ... ! With my son (especially when he was around 13) I had to look at the "bigger picture" to see he is not odd ... because sometimes the smaller picture (especially as I say around 13) made me feel "If this isn't odd then I don't know what is!! " ... But we are really lucky that our kids don't have anything beyond add/adhd .... because the "beyond" can far outweigh the original diagnosis of adhd/add... GOOD LUCK!!! |
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