house rules and schedules

[jacobsma]

Hi everyone, thank you for the warm welcome
Last night my husband and I sat down and made out our house rules, daily tasks and consequences. I wasn't sure if we should put in writing the scheduling of the day ie when he gets up what to do after school etc. I don't want to overload him but I do want him to know he has a schedule and that he must stick with it.
He comes home today after school and we will sit down with the social worker and go over everything. Also, do you document behaviors? Jacob's school counselor said she thought it would be a good idea. I have a separate notebook for him to write feelings and thoughts in so we can take it to his appointments.
I am so glad I found this site
Jen

[rosyred45]

Hi Jen, glad you're back.

I would include the times personally. Mikey lately has been living off of the clock. What time is it, what time is it.......that way, he knows exactly what is expected. You could explain to him that you put the times in as a guideline time if you want to ease him into it, and when the transition is smoother, you could tell him that you will stick to the times. If it doesn't seem to be working, then you can go back to the guideline times.

The best way I have documented is either a notebook, or index cards. If I use a notebook, I use the entire page, BUT if I use notecards, I use one per day. I think that the notebook is easier though, so you don't havce to fumble with a bunch of cards, but if you can get a system going, let us know what has worked.

Good Luck today!!
Kaiti

[finnmom]

Jen

I would include time´s in the chedule, he is old enough to know when to do what. And yes, keep some note book of behaviour, otherwice you´ll never remember what´s new, what´s better, what´s worse....

Keep your chedule simple, dont load everything in it at the first, see how it start´s and then add some if you feel he can handle it. Good luck for your hole family

[jacobsma]

Ok, I have the schedule made, I also got a dry erase board and wrote down all appointments and phone numbers and also what we are having for dinner each night, I know that may sound odd but he obsesses over what we are going to eat and asks me a hundred times. I know having a schedule and a predictable one at that will benefit our whole family.
Kaiti, I am going to use a notebook, I figure it will be easeir to keep track of.

Jen

[rosyred45]

Oh the obsessions, isn't it lovely. ;)Your headed the right direction!!!!!!

Mikey and Tara have been on time kicks for the past few months. ::)So now All I say it look at the microwave, Look at the microwave. OVER AND OVER AND OVER.

I think a note book would be best too. Make sure to write the positives too, that way if there is a pattern of any kind, you can link it together.

Good luck
(((((((((((hugs)))))))))
Kaiti

[camismom]

Hi Jen... I don't believe I have given you an official welcome yet myself.... so here goes:

[glow=red,2,300]WELCOME! GLAD YOU FOUND US![/glow]

This has place has been a life saver for many, myself included.

As far as schedules go, you will find that pretty helpful. Our kids do better with schedules and predictable time lines. Changes in routine actually causes disruption with ADHDrs.

Something I found helpful when my almost 13 yo was younger was a check list, esp. for mornings. It had things listed such as: get dressed, put on shoes, brush hair, brush teeth, etc. and I would list a time that it needed to be done by beside each one. This would help her stay on task as she checked off each thing after it was done.

As far as posting rules and consequences for breaking them, I have always done so with Cami. She actually has a small bulleting board in her room that I have always kept a copy posted on, along with a list of her chores she is expected to do every day.

I am sure as you browse you will find lots more helpful info and ideas. What works for some doesn't always for others, it's just a matter of trial and error.

The picking your battles is the best advice out there. I know I used to constantly argue with my dd to keep her room clean (I am a neat freak) and I finally decided it wasn't worth it. The door can always be closed. She just knows now that if she wants something special, the room has to be cleaned. ;D

I wish you luck with your son's homecoming.

[Linda]

Another little thing that used to work for me when Paul was younger....use a timer when you want a job finished....our kids seem to do pretty good with this.I think it is a challenge for them to see if they can beat the timer....Good Luck....Linda

[rosyred45]

I forgot about the timer (can you tell I haven't been using mine )

So how's in going Jen? Good I hope

[jacobsma]

It was a horrible day yesterday. Jacob came home with one of the crisis workers yesterday after school. We went over the house rules and his schedule and I could tell he was upset about it. He said he agreed to everything and signed it. After the crisis worker left he went into full on temper tantrum. Yelling at me mouthing off and when I tried to ignore him he just kept on talking. He was sitting on the couch and he took the house rules and scribbled his name out. Then he started drawing pictures of himself stabbing me and him. I tried to talk to him and calm him down but he wasn't having it. We ended up back at the ER as he told the crisis counselor he felt like hurting himself. We were there until 12:30 this morning. After we left and got home he threw another fit because I wouldn't make him something to eat, he ate at the hospital. He finally settled for a popsicle and then went to bed.
This morning I took him over to his therapsit so we could talk to him and see if he needed to be placed in a psych. hospital and I know that really scared him. We talked about ways to express anger and frustration without the threats of violence. I hope I made the right desicion in bringing him back home. I suppose only time will tell if he does all this for attention or if there really is merit in him wanting to hurt himself or me. He has a very skewed ideal of parent child relationship where he thinks he is entitled to the same priveledges as his father and myself.
We will also be taking a parenting course it is called Positive Parenting Program. It is a ten week session, and I know that will be very beneficial. Thank you for reading all of this and for your support and concern.
Jen

[AnneM]

Jen, a big welcome to our family .. I am so pleased you found us ... WELCOME ABOARD.

I am so sorry to read that you and Jacob are having such a rough ride of things right now .... it sounds like you are taking some positive steps however especially with trying the Positive Parenting Program. I admit I know nothing about it but my fingers are firmly crossed you will find this very beneficial.

Is Jacob taking anything right now to help him with the depression? My 16 year old had depression when he was 13 and it was a very difficult period of time for us. My son's depression is currently non-existant and is well controlled and has been for the past 2 years + but whilst he was suffering from depression they were very dark days ... hence my question about whether something is being done for this.

[jacobsma]

Hi and yes he takes Zoloft and remeron. The remeron is more to help him sleep.
Jen

[rosyred45]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that night
(((((((hugs)))))))

How was he as a baby, just wondering? Was he tempremental, was he easy, hard, moody.

Mikey was moody, but not too difficult.
(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))again

[tridlette]

I want to send you extra hugs also.

I am so impressed that you are approaching this with such a positive attitude. I know you have tough moments, but you keep looking for that bright light in the tunnel. THAT IS WHAT WILL GET YOU ALL THROUGH.

KNOWING that you can do it, is the key. Asking for help and guidance shows me that you are absolutely going to help him and the whole family. This is what a GREAT mom does!

Keep up your great job, and let us help you any way we can!

Love isn't easy, but it is worth every effort in ways that we can't imagine!

[jacobsma]

Hi and thanks for the hugs, I really needed them after this week Jacob was a wonderful baby, little fussing and just a sweet child. I wasn't married when he was born, his dad and I were engaged but he took off when I got pregnant. We lived with my parents and they were an integral part in his life. I feel that is what has blurred the lines for him. When my husband and I first got married Jacob would threaten to tell my mom if he thought I did something wrong, or if I didn't get him something he wanted. Sometimes she would try and "correct"me and others she would act like she didn't hear him. I have to finish this later. Little guy Nate needs some attention.
Jen

[rosyred45]

I know what you mean when the kids try to manipulate.

Tara was a master manipulator when it came to my dad, then if something bad would happen that I KNEW WOULD, he'd tell me to raise my kids right.

Just remember your the Mama. I keep telling myself that everytime my mom offers advise. OK, She's telling me I did something wrong, BUT guess what, they live in my house, they go by my rules. PERIOD......

How was your weekend? I hope you still have a nerve left