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Post by catatonic on Feb 11, 2004 8:40:03 GMT -5
My 9 year old says that he has no friends and no one wants to play with him at school. He feels really left out and alone and lately every night when I tuck him in he ends up in tears about it. I have no idea what to do, what to say to him, how to help him. He actually does have one friend, but since it's a girl I guess it's not cool to be nice to him at school, although when she comes over to play at the house she's perfectly sweet. He has another appointment with his psychologist in 2 weeks and I plan to talk to her about this, but I'm totally at a loss how to deal with it in the meantime. I just know it breaks my heart to see how hurt and confused and lost he is right now.
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Post by vickilyn32 on Feb 11, 2004 9:40:50 GMT -5
What has been wonderful for my kids is clubs and sports. They have both been in scouts for years, play baseball/softball, basketball, and DD does dance and gymnastics. DS is also in a leadership club at school. This has given them something in common with a few of the other kids, and something to talk about. If your DS has an interest, sign him up for a club or class. 4-H is what I was in and I loved it. If he does not meet a new friend, having a hobby can be good for self-estem, and will give him something to do besides come home from school alone each day.
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Post by AustinsMom on Feb 11, 2004 9:54:36 GMT -5
Sorry your son is having a tough time with this. My ds does not have this problem, but my dd (who is now 21--yikes!) who does not have ADHD but is just shy by nature had problems with this. The counseler can probably help with some social skills training, but in the end all you can do is just set the stage for him. I would find out what is cool for the 9 year old set in your area (in ours it is yu-gi-oh) and as muchas you hate it, see that he at least has some cards, knows how to play the game, etc. Then with Lauren, we would pick out a child and invite them somewhere really fun with us so that she had time to develop a friendship with them.
It's so hard to see your child sad and struggling. But just the fact that he really wants friends may make him much more receptive to any intervention you make, so it could be a big help to him in the long run. Good luck with whatever you try.
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Post by swmom on Feb 11, 2004 11:47:09 GMT -5
Cat -
Do you know the children your son is trying to play with? Sometimes, it really is very difficult to play with a particular group of children. We used to go to a school where the academic environment was very competitive and so were the children. These were NOT the nicest children nor the easiest to make friends with. I didn't realize how much that was true until we left and went to our neighborhood school. It is MUCH friendly there
and the kids are DELIGHTFUL, outgoing and for the most part, pretty inclusive. It seems to be a "kinder
and gentler" place and in that kind of environment it
seems like it's just easier to make those social connections. She's still struggling, still not getting invited out much, but it's better than it was.
When is your son's birthday? Is he old or young for the grade?
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Post by Linda on Feb 11, 2004 12:17:55 GMT -5
Austinsmom had a good idea and It works...check with your school and see if they have a social skills class...a lot of schools do and I have seen first hand that it does work. Keep in mind too that as your son gets older things will change for the better. Hey...nothing wrong with having a girl for a friend either.A friend is a friend.  |
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gma
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Post by gma on Feb 11, 2004 13:28:12 GMT -5
I understand where you are coming from. My grandson complains of not having any friends. This is one of the main reason we are considering homeschooling him. Last Saturday he was at a birthday party, the other kids would not play with him. He told me later that he was not going to go to anymore parties because the same kids at school were at the party. I know a lot of this is caused by his ADHD, his Dr. told us that the way he acts scares the other kids and they do not know how to react so they just ignore him. I am in the process of making my own curriculum and start homeschooling him as soon as school is out in May. Hopefully I will be able to teach him and he will for once in his life enjoy learning.
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Post by ohmama on Feb 11, 2004 21:43:16 GMT -5
Cat,
Knowing the kind of mother you are I would welcome your boy to play with and become friends to my twins. I wish we lived near each other cause I know our families would hit it off. Texas is so far away. I think you should move to Oregon.
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Post by catatonic on Feb 12, 2004 8:49:42 GMT -5
Thank you all for your support and suggestions. My son's psychologist has also suggested getting him involved in a group, team, or club where they'll have shared interests and it may be easier to make friends. It's hard because his interests change frequently and also because with 4 kids I'm often overwhelmed by the commitments we already have, but it's becoming clear that I'll simply have to make the effort. I think the kids he wants to be "in" with are not the most welcoming bunch. Like swmom said, they're NOT the nicest kids. Maybe that makes them seem cool to him, that they are popular enough to exclude and reject others. As for moving to Oregon...well, OhMama, you and my husband certainly agree on that one. I, on the other hand, hate the thought of moving at all. Maybe you could come to Texas?
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gma
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Post by gma on Feb 12, 2004 12:44:52 GMT -5
I am in Texas, wouldn't it be wonderful if we lived close to each other so that our boys could play!!
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Post by gabrielsmom on Feb 12, 2004 16:26:00 GMT -5
I don't know if this is where i should post this but since we are posting about it i will give it a try.
For some time now, I have been wondering if it wouldn't be nice for our kids to get to know one another and maybe even become friends since they all have more or less the same issues and struggles.
I thought that maybe we could see who live close to whom and do like once or twice a month play dates with each other's kids...What do you guys think? Also, this would be a great way for us to meet in person too...
Let me know what u guys think?
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gma
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Post by gma on Feb 12, 2004 17:08:35 GMT -5
I think that is a wonderful idea! I live near Lubbock, Texas.
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Post by mom2tj on Feb 13, 2004 18:15:16 GMT -5
DS has no friends eather he was doing so good in the summer had made a few but once school started they stay as fas as prossible from him at school fo fear that they might be looked at too he is teased and tanted... I wrote to the principal about the teasing and still waiting to results. The teachers are great about it but its not enought something has to be done some sort of program..
Not to bust anyone bubble but I have a friend that he son is Adhd the boys dont get along at all DS hates when this friend comes over... they attend the same school and acualy today that boy was very mean to DS I dont know why they both have no friends you would think they would want ot be friends but NO!
I've tried soccer hockey scouts swimming camps nothing he hated all but swimming but not making many fiends there....we've had play-dates with everyone I can think of I even babysat a boy his age but the boy doent want to come anymore. we've seen a therapist last year, she helped but once school started every effort I made whent sown the drain, I dont know why! immaturaty is all I can think of.
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gma
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Post by gma on Feb 13, 2004 18:57:24 GMT -5
My gs also has only one friend that comes to the house to play. His friend has ADHD, they fight and they forget what they fought about and before I know it are playing with something else. He has invited several boys over to play and the one with ADHD is the only one that ever comes back to play. For personal reasons I am not allowing this boy over to play anymore and gs is very lonely, he is an only child being raised by my husband and I. Have you invited any other boys over to play with your son that has ADHD? I still think it is a good idea if some of us could get our children together. gma
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Post by ohmama on Feb 13, 2004 20:16:21 GMT -5
I spoke with the teacher of my son, aka "fire boy" the other day about his behavior in the class (4th grade). He is very hyper and the other kids are starting to notice how different he is. They make fun of him and avoid him. The teacher asked me if it would be ok to talk to the class about my sons adhd. I said yes, I thought this would be a good idea. I gave him a sheet I got off the internet on all the famous people who have adhd and had him share this with the class when he told them. He did this when my son was out of the room of course.
So far I think it went well. No one is teasing him or avoiding him now. They want to include him in games now that they understand a little better. Oh, by the way the teacher has adhd too so he was very thoughtful on how he presented it. Once the kids saw the teacher accepted my boy, they did too.
This is a great school. The teacher gave "fire boy" special permission to take a break by walking the halls to work off some of his extra energy. He is able to do this several times a day as long as his assignment is finished. He will also be getting a stress ball in class to help him stop biting his nails.
This is what the school has done for other children with disabilities too and every time it has resulted in a better atmosphere for the child and the whole school. The principal endorses this and takes part sometimes in talking to the kids.
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Post by 1mom on Feb 14, 2004 20:22:14 GMT -5
what a God-send your son's teacher is! and imagine...a whole school and staff who go the extra mile for our special kids. they should get some sort of special award and recognition from the "no child left behind (or left out)" committee. that's amazing!
prayers,
1mom
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