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Post by vickilyn32 on Dec 9, 2003 10:12:02 GMT -5
After my DS's basketball game last night I found out that one of the players on the team (the team "star") has been telling the kids from the other schools after all the games that my DS is gay. Now I have nothing against anyones way of life, but my DS is not gay and is very upset by this. We have been dealing with this boy off and on for 2 years now. DS is bigger than this boy, and could probably beat him up if it comes to a fight. I am afraid it will if this continues. DS has held himself very well so far, but can only take so much. All the other kids like DS, it is only this one child who is a problem. I have a call in to the coach and am waiting for his conference period to get a return call. What else can I do to stop this before it becomes a fight?
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Post by catseye on Dec 9, 2003 10:25:50 GMT -5
Is it a school sponsored basketball program?? If so this is sexual harrasment weather true or not.. I would take it up with the coach AND the principal... All kids (human beings for that matter) deserve harassment free education, life, pursuit of happiness etc...
Do you know the "bullies" parents?? Maybe talk with them also, or in the mean time of getting in to the school??
Either way best of luck to you and your ds!! I was always bullied in school, and hated school to the point I dropped out very young... Dont let them do this to your son...
cat
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Post by vickilyn32 on Dec 9, 2003 10:39:43 GMT -5
OK, coach called back and I told him everything. He is going to talk to both boys and try not to make it look like DS "told" on the other boy. I dont understand this kid. They were friends in elementary school untill about 5th grade. Since then he picks on DS part of the year, then leaves him alone the other part. He also comes over after school and trys to play with DS and hang out with him. Part of last year was he** with this kid, and by the end of the year he was nice again. Now he is back to being a brat. This only seems to happen during the sports season. Is he worried that my DS is better than him and trying to undermine his confidence? DS already feels "less" than this kid. The other kids all like my DS and get along with him great. He is always invited to parties, or to play, gets phone calls all day long. I almost feel like telling DS to go for it when he feels like fighting him. He could take him easily, and maybe it would finally end it. I dont believe in fighting, but I am almost ready to not notice if it does happen.
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Post by catseye on Dec 9, 2003 10:58:09 GMT -5
I am betting this other kid is jealous... You said your kid is bigger (by that I assume taller?), which of course is better in basketball to be taller... I hope the coach can handle this with finesse... Good luck
cat
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Post by vickilyn32 on Dec 9, 2003 11:21:27 GMT -5
DS is taller, and also about 10 lbs heavier. DS also lives with his mom, dad and sister while this boy lived for years with mom and step-dad and they are now divorced, mom is getting remarried within this year. I realize this is a big problem for this boy and I feel bad for him, but why take it out on my DS. There are several other boys who are as big as my DS, good looking, well liked and live with both mom and dad. And they have more money than we do. There must be some reason I have not thought of yet.
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Post by Honeysmom on Dec 9, 2003 12:03:48 GMT -5
I agree with the jelousy thing, but maybe it is b/c your DS is nicer. Maybe since he has not fought with the boy he is his target. I am not telling you to tell him to fight, but my dad always said "People will only pick on you as long as you let them". Maybe your son is too nice when the other kids have put the bully in his place?
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Post by tridlette on Dec 10, 2003 1:23:09 GMT -5
2 possible ideas:
either a heart to heart, or a snappy one liner
Exampe 1.
I have a boy in my Scout troop who is facing his parents' divorce right now. Sweet boy, but he feels very conflicted. I finally asked him to stop by after school one day to talk (I home school, so I was never alone with the boy). He stopped the next day and really opened up... yelled, cried, the whole gamut. Teen ager's have so much pressure that they tend to cast the crowds attention anywhere but in their direction. He might just be trying to hind in the shadows of some one else.
Offer to listen, or have your son offer. Chances are that your son will be a great empathizer if he just knows what he can do for his part time friend.
Example 2.
When my son was in kindergarten, he was being picked on by an 8th grader. (the school was k-8)
Michael was upset, and came crying to me. I asked my baby sitter what to do... she was a 10th grader who knew the bully. We then coached Michael for a few days. The bus driver (the retired police chief in our little town) called me a few days later to tell me how great the scene was!
Bully: Your clothes are so queer, you look like you are wearing pajamas. HA HA HA
Michael: I am sure everyone on the bus is impressed that you can talk to a 5 year old that way!
Apparently, that was the end of the bully's reign of terror.
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Post by Honeysmom on Dec 10, 2003 9:37:20 GMT -5
That is awesome!!! ;D Sometimes you just have to put people in their place like that.
I always have worried about Honey on the bus b/c he is the only 4 yo. The rest of the kids are in at least first grade and as old at 6th. I don't worry anymore though. We were in Wal-mart and we saw a boy from his bus. He looked to be in about 5th or 6th grade. When we walked by he said Hi and saked by DS how he was. Then he said I'll see you on the bus. He was a really nice kid. I am pretty sure the bus driver makes sure the other kids know how little he is. He also comes home with a ton of candy from other kids on the bus, and like a good little boy, hands it over! ;D ;D
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Post by vickilyn32 on Dec 10, 2003 9:50:06 GMT -5
Update. Dan came home from school and told me that this other boy was called into the coaches office for a long talk. I dont know what was said because Dan told me the kids do not know why This boy was called in. I hope something good was said and that it helps. At least the coach said something and did not just ignore my concerns. I did not mention that I know all the kids in Dans grade, I worked at the school for 2 years, and the kids all like me and talk to me. They will even stop by the house to visit even if Dan is not home. I have answered questions about school, home, and boy/girl problems with several of the classmates. They include me in the group if we are at sporting events, and will sit with me and they talk openly. I have found out a lot that way.
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Post by AnneM on Dec 11, 2003 14:02:34 GMT -5
Let's really hope the coach is "great with kids" and knew "just what to say" ... !! Fingers crossed!! ... If he (coach) handles this "right" he could nip this right in the bud straight away. I agree with some of the others that this sounds like a jealousy thing .... and Tridlette I LOVED the come-back from Michael on the bus !!
Bullies (from my knowledge) are always insecure and looking for others to support them and find their taunts and comments "funny" .... but generally the right "put-down" can diffuse them there and then .... I really hope that this coach was able to do this!! ... If not I would suggest that you yourself might want to "have a word" .. especially if this same kid is seeking your son's company at other times ....
My son (who is now 15) has been bullied badly twice over the years .... BOTH times were successfully dealt with by the respective schools. On the second occasion when my son was 12 and the "bully" was put into "isolation" at the school for a whole week the WHOLE class sided with my son ... They had NOT done this until the bully himself was "singled out and punished" ... prior to that many of them had giggled and joined in with the torments .... but when something was "really done" about it they all (even the bully's so-called 'friends') came right down AGAINST the bully ....
I am wishing you LOTS OF LUCK.....
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Post by eaccae on Dec 13, 2003 14:25:46 GMT -5
It sounds like you handled everything the best way. Hopefully the coach handled it well too. This kid probably has no idea how your son feels and he is clearly very jealous of your son. It sounds like his home life is causing him anxiety and even though you know your son feels "less" than this kid - he is probably feeling the same way. (Not that this excuses his behavior at all!!!!) I hope it turns out for the best!
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Post by vickilyn32 on Dec 17, 2003 12:23:41 GMT -5
Well it has been a week since the coach talked to the other boy, and so far there have not been anymore incidents with him. He was even nice at the b-ball game on monday. I hope this worked.
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