What to do

[aimee30]

I'm so tired of it....

My DD came in the other night (after bedtime) crying. She cried on my shoulder for a long time about how she had no friends. That none of the boys "liked" her. How none of the girls wanted to play with her at recess.

I'm just at a loss. How do you handle this? What do you tell an 8 yr old ADHD child?



I just don't know what to do anymore to help her.......

[catatonic]

aimee, I feel so bad for your daughter. My son used to do the same thing and it would just break my heart. I would tell him that he was a very special boy, very affectionate and fun, and that eventually other kids would recognize that. Then we would plan one little step he could take to help him make a friend...things like picking out one boy who was usually nice to him and asking him to shoot baskets at recess. Or picking someone who seemed to need a friend and asking them to come over after school.

I think 3rd grade was the hardest year for him, 4th grade a little better, and in 5th he actually had a group of boys he would regularly play with at school and one whose house he would someitmes play at.

This year he is in 6th and he actually has friends like any other kid. There are a couple he'll play with after school, and quite a few he knows from band that he gets along with well. Things will get easier for your daughter. ADHD kids mature more slowly, and it's much more noticeable in elementary school. By middle school, they seem to do a better job of fitting in. And a middle school is so much larger that it's easier to find kids they have something in common with. I know that doesn't help your daughter with her unhappiness right now, but it might help you to reassure her if you can keep in mind that she won't always feel like an outcast. It will just take her longer to find her place.

[Linda]

aimee.....like catatonic...I agree your dd will find her place....and I agree that 3rd grade IS hard for a lot of kids

I have seen the "loners" at recess and it breaks my heart. Is there any way you can go to the school at lunch recess? You might get a better idea of what is going on There is a real possibility she is being bullied...not physically but with words.

You are a good mom aimee and I know that it hurts you to see your dd hurt....but kids can be really mean try to go to the school and get a "feeling" of what is going on.

[finnmom]

Aimee, it´s so nice to see you´re back

i know what you mean with no friend´s It really is hard for a parent to deal with, break´s your hart to hear them telling how lonely they are

I think linda and Catatonic are right, 3rd is the hardest, that´s when the slow maturing really show´s up to other´s. It will get better, but i know it will not happend soon enough for you.

Does she has some hobbies to go, gym, band, dance etc... I think that´s a good way to start, first to be in group of children, get to know them and then slowly go forward... I know this is not a big help.

Lot´s of to you and your dd

[AnneM]

Oh aimee .... I am sorry ... As parents don't we always feel that we just wish we could take on ourselves any pain our kids are feeling and take it right away from them??

I agree with the others that your daughter is at an age where this can be a particular problem .... and that it will improve as she gets older.

I also like finnmom's idea about joining (if you haven't already) some outside of school clubs etc. where she can meet other kids - not just the ones she goes to school with ... I think "practice" can help ... but also just "getting older" ...

[amcfanny]

My kiddo is in third grade without any close friends. I try to get him to places like church and the beach where he can interact with other kids. He plays well on the beach. Usually at a playground he goes off and looks for bugs. I'm hoping he makes friends with someone down the line. I was and am a loner so I rot at stepping up to the plate and arranging playdates and stuff.

[kstquilter]

like all the others, this too shall get better with age. i think every grade is hard in some form. i wouldn't advise go to the school, jmho. one more thing to be teased about.
i do agree about getting them involved in other things. didn't help brittany get any more friends because they were just like the kids in school. however, she got confidence and self esteem from doing something she loved.
now that brittany is older, i can honestly say that some of the disappointments that were so hard for both of us when she was young, have given her a more realistic look at life.
for one thing, she has much more empathy for anyone who's the new kid on the block or the one being left out. she tends to seek those people out or if they seek her out, she's quick to be a friend. she's never been at the top of anything she's done, she's had to work for everything she's gotten so she doesn't have the unrealistic expectations of being first in her class or dreading a B.
i think it's helped build her character and will serve her well her entire life. she's a very kind, giving and generous person as most of our kids are. not that we want our kids to be hurt and wouldn't do anything for it not to be this way, however, over time it may help them be a better person.
i know it doesn't help now but keep it in the back of your mind.
karen

[Kaiti]

:-XAimee, it is hard. Mikey is still trying to adjust. Actually it is more the teacher that is adjusting to him, but there's a whole other story

Just letting her know that YOU are there is a big help for her. When she thinks that she has no friends, remind her that not only are you the MAMA, but you are also a friend as well.

Thank heavens Mikey isn't too worried about everyone else, he could care less what other people think ???good or bad. ::)He does his thing and as long as he isn't going to get hurt or no one else is, we let him go with it.

For instance, we had a meeting last night out to the club. was he playing with his sister in the backl room, NOOOOOO, he wanted ot sit in on the meeting :oBut we knew he would get bored, so it was a no-no.

After the meeting, we went to get into the truck, and where was Mikey. In the clubhouse talking about bows and hunting with all the old guys ;D ;D

I swear he is only 8 ;D

My point is that I don't set limitations on the kids because of their age. I don't go for the children should be seen and not heard.....all the time anyhow

Find something that she is really interested in and make it her new hobby. Could be the beginning of something you may have never expected, nor she ever thought.

Then at just the right moment, she might share some info with other kids, and leave them standing in awe of her knowledge