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Post by mommyclaire on Nov 10, 2003 14:22:05 GMT -5
My DS's psychologist does not recommend discussing the ADD diagnosis with my son because he says that some children will use it as an excuse. "Oops, I forgot my book again, but you know that I am ADD." I have spoken with one mother who did discuss the diagnosis with her DD, who was relieved to know what was going on with her. I'm on the fence about it. My DS is 10, and he knows there are issues of forgetfulness, attention, absentmindedness, etc.
I'm curious how others have handled this decision. Obviously, much depends on the child's age and ability to understand a diagnosis. For older children, it would also depend on the child's frustrations and attitude I believe.
I am giving my son supplements. He goes for counseling, and we do behavior mod. I am nervously researching meds, too. As I proceed, and as my ds gets older, I'm wondering if it would be better for him to know what we are dealing with.
Any advice from your experience is greatly appreciated!
-Claire
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Post by vickilyn32 on Nov 10, 2003 15:41:38 GMT -5
My DS-13 was diagnosed at 7 and we discussed this with him from the start. He has been in on the IEP meetings, and knows what the teachers should be doing to help him in the classroom, and what modifications they should be using. He know what the meds should help with, and we talk about if they are helping or not. After all, its his body and mind, he knows how he feels and he knows if it is helping or not. We also have not hidden his ADD from anyone in town. His friends and parents all know DS has ADD and is on meds. I have not had any problems with anyone as far as his being ADD goes.
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Post by on_edge on Nov 10, 2003 15:46:26 GMT -5
The child psychologist did tell me to tell my daughter why she is getting help so she wouldn't be sideblinded, but she is only 6. I keep the explanation minimal because she doesn't understand. My 13 ds I have definitely explained because he would just get frustrated and call himself stupid. He needed to understand that he just learns different and it's just not him alone. I explained that when he earns a good grade, he actually had to work harder than most kids and that a "stupid" kid couldn't do that. He feel alright, but then I don't harp on it so it does not become an excuse.
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Post by TexasMom on Nov 10, 2003 20:18:42 GMT -5
I recently told my 10-year old what was going on, and I'm glad I did. I think I relieved his mind. He was imagining all sorts of terrible things that were going on with him and now he knows the truth.
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Post by Jorgy on Nov 10, 2003 22:22:58 GMT -5
 We told our 7 year old from the start, he was 5 then. We also expained his problems to his sibs. We have made it no secret in our community and school. It is dealt with by evryone in a matter of fact way. A couple of weeks ago he tried to use it as an excuse. I nixed that immediatly. I think anyone could use it as an excuse if you let them. I don't plan on letting him. When his meds are in affect he is treated like the other kids. He also has the same rules in school as the other kids. I may add he is not "odd". That would of course change things. I have always felt it was his right to know. Good thread, Sue
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Post by eaccae on Nov 11, 2003 10:03:32 GMT -5
We told DS(8) when he was diagnosed at 5. Firstly - we had independent testing done that took several days over a month period - an hour a way - so he needed to know why. And secondly - we wanted to make sure that he knew he wasn't stupid which is the way he was feeling. He hardly ever mentions it - I think he forgets about it - even when taking his meds - it has become routine like taking a vitamin. And he has NEVER used it as an excuse. Of course the main thing that we discussed was the focusing issue. I don't think we mentioned to him anything about the hyperactivity or the impulsiveness - which ARE huge problems. And he gets the normal punishments for these issues. But my bigest concern for him was that he understood why the focusing was so hard for him. He has lost several things at school - including his winter boots - which has not made me the happiest of campers but even when getting in trouble he never once mentioned the ADHD.
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Post by jdmom on Nov 11, 2003 10:04:30 GMT -5
J doesn't know that he is ADHD or even what that is. He does know that he takes medication to help him "concentrate" and that the meds should help him "behave himself" better. I don't think he would understand ADHD at 6 years old and I think it would make him worry that he was " Different" than other kids. I do plan on explaining it to him when I feel that he is old enough to grasp the concept and its implications. I felt he needed to know what the meds do for him so that he could help me to judge whether or not they were effective, and to let me know how they make him "feel". He picked the word "concentration" when I asked him, in the beginning, why he would not sit still in his seat at school and do his work. He said "I just can't concentrate, Mom." Thus, his meds are now referred to as his "Concentration Medicine." His doctor has even picked up on his lingo and refers to them as that when we are there to see him. |
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Kymn
Member
Posts: 75
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Post by Kymn on Nov 11, 2003 10:46:56 GMT -5
I told my son right away he was 6 then I think hiding it shows that it is something to be embarassed of and it isnt and anyways its their issue and their brain they absoulutley have a right to know whats going on in my opinion anyways  have a great day Kymn |
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Post by AnneM on Nov 11, 2003 12:57:50 GMT -5
I have always struggled with the balance of talking with my son about adhd and NOT making him feel like he is wildly " Different" from his friends. He was diagnosed at 13 (a "touchy" age when they want to be JUST LIKE everyone else!) and is now 15 .... In the past two years he has (99%) taken his medication with absolutely no problem (and acknowledges that it definitely helps him) and he has spoken about adhd without any problems at all ... BUT we have had the occasional times where he has temporarily rejected his meds ("nobody else I know has to take pills").
I also struggle with not talking about adhd TOOO much .... I personally try NOT to make it a big part of his life .... I am not sure whether this is right or wrong!! ... ADHD is certainly NOT something we talk about daily or even weekly .... but when we do get talking about it I try to make sure he understands it (as much as ANY of us understand it !! ... and let's face it ... that sometimes isn't easy ;D)
The other day my son was telling me and his Dad about a boy he knows. He said this boy is a nice kid "but constantly annoys people" ... he said "he just doesn't know WHEN to stop/give up and goes on and on and on" .... he then said "He isn't on meds though but I am sure he's got adhd" !!! This amused us hugely because here he was diagnosing others!!! (and to be honest we ARE in the UK where there are many, many, many un-diagnosed kids) ...
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Post by loveforeric on Nov 11, 2003 14:16:03 GMT -5
Kymn;
i agree with your opinion. We told eric right away, he was wondering why he was not like the other kids. He knew. Kids know.. We have him working on his workbook for ADD and it is really helping him in so many ways.. Have a good day, Christina
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Post by NativeLI on Nov 11, 2003 15:52:05 GMT -5
We told our 7 year old about adhd right away, because I wanted him to know that he wasn't a "bad" kid. He had developed a very poor self esteem from a horrible 1st grade teacher who made our lives a living ****. He even told his religion teacher that he is "going strait to the devil" when he dies because he is a bad kid.
Upon the diagnosis, I explained everything to him so that he would know that he had challenges to overcome in life just like everyone else. Some peoples are obvious and some are not. But he was lucky he found out what his was and we can work hard on helping him.
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Post by Dad2Brooke on Nov 11, 2003 16:58:22 GMT -5
We told Brooke when she asked why she always had to take medicine. She started medication at age 4 and I believe she was 4.5 when we told her.
She has never (knock on wood, cross my fingers, throw salt over my shoulder) used it as an excuse for her actions.
She already knew that she didn't quite fit in with other children and letter her know that God made her more special than other children. Makes her feel special.
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Post by Amsmom on Nov 11, 2003 19:38:06 GMT -5
There's a good book called, "I Know I Drive My Mom Crazy, But I Know My Mom's Crazy About Me." I think it's written for kids age 5-10, to explain their ADHD. I will see if I can find it in my son's messy bookshelf and get back to you. He did try to use it as an excuse once, but I told him that wouldn't work! (He's 7)
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MommaToFive
Full Member
With God all things are possible!!
Posts: 113
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Post by MommaToFive on Nov 12, 2003 16:13:39 GMT -5
I too have talked to DS9 about his ADHD/ODD/Depression. He knows alot about the various things that go along with the " Disorders". I want him to know that he is more than normal, he is special!! I agree that it is important that the kids know and try to get a feel for the reasons behind their behavior. But in no means use it as an excuse...
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