Post by Brocksmom on Apr 27, 2004 11:56:16 GMT -5
POSITION:
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Ma
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging
permanent work in an, often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and
organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours,
which will include evenings and weekends and frequent
24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required,
including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy
weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away
cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier
duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least
temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to
bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical
stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60
mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams
from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must
be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as
small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and
stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain
calendars and coordinate production of multiple
homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize
social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental
outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and
product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys,
and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the
best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final,
complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position
for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so that those in your charge can
ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered
on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and
bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18
because of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent. When you die, you give
them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this
reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and
wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are
offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for
personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your
cards right.
Forward this on to all the Moms you know, in
appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
and let them know they are appreciated.
--
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade
another country. -Elayne Boosler-
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Ma
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging
permanent work in an, often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and
organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours,
which will include evenings and weekends and frequent
24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required,
including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy
weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away
cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier
duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least
temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to
bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical
stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60
mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams
from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must
be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as
small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and
stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain
calendars and coordinate production of multiple
homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize
social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental
outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and
product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys,
and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the
best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final,
complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position
for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so that those in your charge can
ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered
on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and
bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18
because of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent. When you die, you give
them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this
reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and
wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are
offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for
personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your
cards right.
Forward this on to all the Moms you know, in
appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
and let them know they are appreciated.
--
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade
another country. -Elayne Boosler-
