Note of thanks....

[Honeysmom]

I just want to take a second, or few minutes rather, and thank everyone on this board. You guys are my lifeline. I know all of you have gone through the same struggles as we are and I know many are worse, but right now our lives are becomming so stressful I cannot say how much it means to me to have you all here to listen and help. I have been posting a lot lately and I want to let everyone know why.

I had Honey when I was 21. I just turned 26. I am a youngen. I have plenty of friends who don't have kids and have no idea what my life is all about. My life is all about my kids. I do not work outside of my home, I can't. If I do Honey loses his insurance and the policy offered to us only gives us a max of $10,000 per year with a $2500 deductible. You all know it adds up when you are looking at psychologists, pediatricians, neorologists and meds.

I have been so scared these last 2 months. I am scared that Honey has to have more tests done and I know in the bottom of my heart what is wrong. I don't mind hearing it, I am just scared what the future holds. When I had him I thought he was your average kid. He is not. I never imagined that I would be raising a child that needed so much extra attention. My whole life has been changed because of mental diease or illness or whatever you want to call it (I prefer the word difference.) I was going back to school. I have had to take a leave b/c we are at the doctor's office so much. We have decided that we are not having anymore kids because it wouldn't be fair to anyone. I have no family near by to help out, except my DH and he is working is buns off to support us.

After observing many of Honey's behavior's we saw our doc again. He is referring us to Marhsfield and Mayo clinic. More doc's, more tests. It just gets so frusterating. Why can't anyone but us see our son for who he really is? He is a sweet caring little boy who is struggling. Some people do not want us around anymore. Some people come right out and ask "Is he retarded?" I think that is a insensitive question to ask. First of all because it is just plain rude, and second, I don't know what is wrong with him and I certainly do not want to explain it to most of these people. Even the people who are supposed to be our biggest support have turned. Our families have opinions from, he's just a boy, to bad parenting, to thinking there is a serious mental issue, to nervous mothering.

I have turned this into a vent and I am sorry I just want everyone I know how much I appriciate you all and appriciate the support you offer. If I did not have this board I would be out in the cold. I am sending cyber hugs to every one of you tonight. Thanks for being here when no one else seems to. You mean the world to me. Becky

[LitlBaa]

Great big hugs back to you, Becky!

I'll keep your family in my prayers.

[rosyred45]

Oh Becky, you have a heart bigger than most. I want to thank you back along with everyone else to. I have seen your posts and been not once doubting of that.

I know that sometimes it's hard (like my last night) but I know that the love from my kids and my husband can help me.

And when they piss me off, I'll just join my other family here!! ;D
Kaiti

[Dad2Brooke]

Becky, Thank you for sharing your story. We all can empathize with you. It is a struggle, daily, and you never know if you are doing the right thing...

But, like you said, if you had not found this board...

We are all here for you, as you are here for us.

As the parent of these wonderful children, we often know more than the doctors, it's just so hard to articulate it. That is why this board means so much to me. It tells me what I need to hear and how I need to hear it.

You are doing a great job for Honey, never doubt that.

And remember, we are always here for you and each other.

[AnneM]

Becky - that is such a lovely note and I too am sending some big {{cyber hugs}} your way ... This board (and its predecessor) have certainly also taught me personally more about add/adhd than ANY other source ... WE live with add/adhd every day ... many of those who are "teaching" us are simply not living it on a daily basis... to share that with others with soooo many similarities is simply worth millions!

The misunderstanding of others can be very hurtful ... because we KNOW our kids are simply 'different' ... no more than that ... at the end of the day they really are JUST A LITTLE BOY or JUST A LITTLE GIRL (or in my son's case at age 15 a BIG boy!!) ... Other people who do not have "special" kids like ours just do not understand anything about add/adhd or the comorbid conditons which are often found hand-in-hand with it!! ...

It is so clear that you are SO MUCH doing the right thing for your Honey ... I know it must sometimes seem like endless tests ... but once you really know the full picture you can honestly move forward... and hey!! I promise you we will all be right there with you through any ups and downs...

GOOD LUCK BECKY AND HONEY!!!

[Honeysmom]

Thanks everyone so much.

And thanks for reading down for so long....Becky

[finnmom]

Becky
I know I án repeating everyone above, but you seem to me as a GOOD MOTHER, you do the very best anyone can for your son(was the little one daughter, I´am sorry, cant remember). You just feel free to vent whenever you want to, there will always be someone "listening". Big Hug´s to you.
Marja

[camismom]

Becky,

I feel I owe you an apology for my response to you on my post about school calendars. I was on the defensive a bit when you suggested we trade places because I feel guilt about having to work, but I understand the flip side too. Accept my apolgy if I offended.

I am so sorry that you are having to go through all this at such a young age. I have read enough of your posts to know you are basically on your own, but I want you to know through every post of yours I have read, I have always thought what a strong young woman you are and what a great mom! Honey is lucky to have you fighting his battles for him! He will be the better for it one day, I assure you, and he will be grateful when he is old enough to look back on all the sacrifices you made for him. I have been where you are and believe me, it WAS tough, but I made it as will you. I had Cami at 22. By 24 I was in a very unhappy marriage, dealing with a husband who was NEVER at home and there when needed, and basically stranded because we only had one car. I left him shortly after my 25th birthday. My family has never quite understood ADHD and has never really been one I can talk to about it. I too remember the feeling of being isolated with noone to turn too. It is hard when noone else you know personally is dealing with this, they don't know what it's like at all. That is why, like you said, this board is such a Godsend. When there is noone to turn to face to face, there is always here. I have come to rely on it for all my rants and advice on ADHD because of having noone else personally. I am glad you found it.

You should share this with your hubby and see if you can't find sometime to get out and find yourself again. Hook up with some girlfriends and catch a movie or lunch on a weekend when hubby is not working. You have to disconnect sometime to keep your own sanity. I know this may not be an easy solution, but maybe with hubby's help you can find one. I wish you luck! As far as those folks that don't want to try to see the real Honey and love him for who he is, just stay away from them and don't let there thoughts, opinions, whatever, ever have the chance to get to you. Your children and your husband are your family now, everyone else comes second!!

Keep truckin' girl and being the wonderful mom you are! I'll keep you and Honey and your husband and baby girl in my prayers! -------------- Christy

[sierra]

Honey is one lucky boy to have a mom who works so hard to help him.

I believe that one day his ODD behavior will be a great asset to L'il Sprout. Once he learns to oppose politely obstacles in his path won't get so battered as he moves right over around or through them.

Honey sounds a lot like Li'l Sprout at that age only more so. Even now social awareness makes it unlikely he'll come unglued or explode at school. He saves that for after school. Learning social awareness is tough for all kids but even more so for young ODD kids. They get a lot of negative feedback from adults and other kids. Sometimes nothing but negative feedback.

If everything a kid does is always wrong it's hard to figure out what is right.

Dang! I was 35 when I had Li'l Sprout. The energy he took day to day was tough but I had a lot more experience with the medical system under my belt than I did at 21. One thing I still had despite all those years was a deep and abiding distrust of public schools. I sure hoped they'd improved in dealing with the kids that don't fit the cookie cutter because I knew pretty quick that my kids weren't cookie cutter even though I didn't really think they had anything diagnosable going on. Just thought they marched to different drummers. At that time I thought that explained me and most of my relatives too. That and dysfunctional families!

I hope these specialists have better answers for you and Honey. I know you will keep looking until you start getting answers that help him.

You go girl!

[singnmommy]

I have read many of your posts and know that you're a great mother! I am one of the youngens too. Within 3 weeks at age 22, I gained a husband, adhd stepson, and a baby with health problems. I am now 24 and feel like I am 110. I can't say that I know what you live through each day, but you are a wonderful parent and don't ever let ANYONE tell you otherwise. I have lived through the unsupportive familly thing. Good luck!!!!