Newbie Here

[SGcvn69]

Gee...where do I start? I always thought I had ADHD, but b/c my mom is an immigrant to the US she holds old thoughts from her old country. I've always had an attention problem that my mom always told me to just concentrate harder, not realizing how hard I was trying and that it just wasn't working. I didn't think twice about it since then until last year when at the time, my bf of 6 years broke up with me. I thought this was it and had a rough time with it, but was determined to not beg to get back together. 20 days after the breaking up he said to me he'll give it another shot only if I got some help in my social skills. Confused...I did a search online to see how I was different than everyone else and ended up on www.chadd.org. I didn't recognize the adult symptoms of ADHD, but I sure did on the childhood symptoms of it. I showed it to him and he said that was completely me (adult symptoms). So remembering that the school counselor had given me the local university's psychology clinic number for when bf was depressed....I called it and inquired about ADHD testing. I got tested and I was positive. So then came..."Why did no one notice I had it? Could I have done better in school? Could I have done biology like I had planned instead of art? etc. etc. etc." Long story short, I am in therapy once a week and not on meds b/c I was afraid of the pills. I figured if I had lived like this for 25 years I could figure out how to live WITH it with the help of therapy instead of just a quick fix. I haven't told my mom. I don't know how to tell her I have ADHD and that I am going to therapy for it b/c I don't think she'd understand. My sister doesn't understand...she thinks I'm making excuses. The diagnosis has helped my relationship with my bf some...it's still tough for him to understand. He's real self concious about how others perceive him/me, but at least when I forget things he understands now instead of just yelling at me for doing something I didn't know I did or didn't do.

I just had a realization recently. Maybe, my mom's refusal to take me anywhere or to let me do anything with friends at school has contributed to me today. I have no friends. It's been tough making friends and keeping them. I feel lonely sometimes. This is the most frustrating thing for my bf. I don't have any problems with online friendships, but face to face friendships I have a hard time with. I don't run around like crazy, but I have to multi-task all the time and my brain runs a mile a minute except for right now since it is 5am and I need to be in bed.

Anyway, so here I am...maybe ya'll can be my support too. g'nite!

[Linda]

:)and welcome to our on line community where we share and support one another.

Yours is a very familiar story to many of us and you are not alone.

If you have a good relationship with your mom and It bothers you...why not just talk to her about your ADHD? IT IS NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED ABOUT. Most ADHD people are very intelligent...complex some times ;D ;Dbut very smart.

May I ask why you are afraid of meds?The right meds makes all the difference in the world to many people.

Come back here and ask questions...we are here for you.

[tridlette]

Welcome to our family... and thanks for joining (I need more Pennsylvanian's here! I live near Phila. but I am not a Phila. sports fan. Steelers are my in-state favorite!)

The neat thing about finally knowing what makes your mind tick... you can sort of re-invent yourself and not worry about what your old friends think. When I moved to Phila. I didn't know anyone but my dh and 3 kids. I didn't have any of the old "weird" labels following me, and it was very freeing to finally be the ME I wanted to be!

Your bf sounds like he wants to be in this for the long run... I hope he joins you for some therapy so that he can learn more about you.

Linda is right... ADHD is often accompanied by extremely smart tendencies. If you research thoroughly, you may find that trying medicine may unlock the focus center and you can go back to study Biology. I found out that so many of us ADHD adults that weren't diagnosed as kids, try more than one career until we find the right way to cope with our minds flying. For me, it took being a paramedic to get me the perfect job. High adrenaline and short attention span!

More than anything, just come to this site for friendship, and for advice. Look at all the different categories. We have a lot of fun, we have shared recipes, weight loss efforts, kids success stories, life stories unrelated to ADHD, tragedy, frustration, vacations, birthday greetings...

We really do act like a HUGE family. We hope to see you around, and we will help you as much as we can. Don't ever think that a question is too dumb to ask around here... Kaiti and I have already asked them all. And unlike other ADHD support groups, we are FREE, and we are HERE 24 hours a day!

[SGcvn69]

Linda: Hi! I'm not close to my mom at all...plus there is a language barrier. I don't know what the word for ADHD is in her language! I did get an IQ test when I got tested. I ranked above average. So...as confused as I was I asked the psychiatrist why...why did no one know? He told me there were two kinds of kids. Kids who act out b/c they couldn't cope with it and kids who are smart enough to figure out how to live with it...I was one of the smarter kids I guess, but it didn't do me any favors. It did make me feel good that I was smart

I'm not so much afraid of meds I guess. I don't like taking pills and I figured if I have lived with it for 25 years before being diagnosed then I can learn to live with it for another 25 years w/o being on any medication. I just don't want a quick fix to a life time problem. I do drink caffine sometimes if I know I'll be in a situation where I need to pay attention, but too much of that can give me caffine headaches.

Tridlette: Hi! I'm not a Steelers fan myself LOL Actually, not really a sports fan much, but if I had to cheer I cheer for my home state, Massachusetts.

I found out about my ADHD here in Pittsburgh, 3 yeaers after I moved here, so it was kind of too late to re-invent myself. I had friends in WA, but barely any here. My bf is starting to understand my delimna here in Pgh...everybody is either fresh out of school and immmature or most people our age moves out of state. There's also this silly mentality here that kind of keeps newcomers like us out. Pgh is a really big small town that qualifies as a city is how I see it. I just came back from Boston visiting my sister b/c it was her college graduation and I was really in no hurry to leave even tho I had been there for almost two weeks! I like Pgh, but it's suffocating for me.

I've asked my bf to come to therapy with me so he can tell my therapist his side of the story and what he sees about me that I don't. I told him that it would really help me, but his work schedule and my travelling lately has been getting in the way.

Anyhoo, thanks for the warm welcome! It's good to read others experiences and non-ADHDer's views on us.

[tridlette]

okay! Now you're talking! I am not a Steelers fan as much as a Patriots Fan... I hate the Eagles, so Steelers are the in state favorite... But...

I grew up in Berkshire County, MASS! So, I love my Bay State Teams!

I came to PA from VT 5 yrs. ago, before that I spent 30+ yrs. in Mass.

As for telling mom, just let her know that your mind is always busy, never lets your slow down. You can understand 3 conversations at once. Your mind processes all the information it hears, sees, smells, and feels at any given moment. Your senses catch everything at once, you have to sort it all out, and sometimes (or most of the time) gets mixed up in the act of processing all at once.

[SGcvn69]

Alright! I was born in Boston...lived there for the first 9 years of my life. Then I was moved to WA state against my will LOL So...if they say 'home is where the heart is" then my home is MA still

J, my bf, and i'm sure everyone else close to me realizes that I may not look like I'm paying attention, but like you said...I hear everything! Now remembering it all is another question LOL

Do you do what I do when I clean? Take something into a room to put away and find something else that needs fixing? It takes me a LONG time to clean!

[tridlette]

Clean? What is that? How do you do it? LOL!

I am just like that. Find a dirty sock on the floor, pick it up to take it to the bathroom where the laundry basket is, drop it, find my hairbrush, take it to my room, find a book I was reading last month, take it downstairs to put it in the book case, but then find a letter from my girlfriend and decide to write back. Go look for a pen, but find nail polish on the end table, so decide to do my nails, go to the kitchen to get the remover for the old polish, and find a box of twinkies. Need milk with the twinkie so go to find car keys to buy more milk, but see a message on the computer screen, stop to answer it, and then the clock chimes reminding me it is dinner time, but I haven't defrosted anything yet...

YUP... I can hear everything, but never remember much!

Until it is bed time, and then the whole day replays in my head when the lights are turned off!

[SGcvn69]

Gee doesn't that sound familar! I didn't grow up cleaning so it's kinda tough for me, especially tack on this ADHD. Are you also bad at cooking b/c you can't pay attention to it? I burn lots of things that way.

[Kaiti]

Excuse me ladies, I had a hard time NOT following the PHILLY pro teams, let me get to my judgements about the New England teams, as we talk abotu taking a trip to Mike's Uncle near Zelinople, .......on July 4th

Notice I saw nothing of the arguing that the PHILLY TEAMS ARE THE BEST----IN MY EYES......

Anywho....welcome SG, don't even worry, Tridlette already told you we have asked allt eh dumb questions.

:-XThere are alot of thinbgs that worry me, and my mom lives about a quarter mile from me, and I am still scared to death to ask abotu.

Don't worry hear. We know what you feel like

[SGcvn69]

Hi Kaiti!

Hey we can differ on the teams I was actually starting to wonder if I am normal or ADHD since a lot of my close friends say they can't tell that I have it and even met some strangers that tell me the same thing. So it's good to hear that I'm for sure ADHD since you guys have the same problems! I too have been called weird, but only from my bf and that was in reference to when he first met me. He soon saw through that and saw that I was a really sweet person to know. Sometimes maybe too sweet/nice cuz I get walked all over at times. I've learned to say no, but other things also get the best of me. I just always knew I was weird and was proud of being different...I was much more secure then than I am now.

[tridlette]

I am a TERRIBLE cook... any excuse you want to pin on it, that is okay. I married a firefighter/safety engineer!

Working as a paramedic, I know all the Emergency dispatchers and responders in 3 states!

Kaiti, on the other hand, is an AWESOME cook! She has only started ONE fire that I know of, but that was an unattended candle, so that can't be blamed on cooking!

Kaiti, I wish I had time to ride to Zelienople with you. Last trip, in April, only took me 5 hours from the K of P entrance on the Turnpike. I went about 30 miles past Pgh., so you shouldn't be much more than 5 or 6 hours... depending on how many pee breaks Mike needs! Traffic was cruising nicely at 75-80 mph. A little construction near the Hershey exits, but just stay to the left, the way the signs say to for through traffic, and it shoudn't be bad! If you want to stop on the way through town, let me know!

We can always throw the trailer up in the yard if you want to spend the night.

[Kaiti]

Thanks for the compliments and the invite, Miss Trid, I'll have to ask Mike. We might be swing down to Dover to Pick up his cousin and Mark wants to go too....as long as he doesn't wear that Elvis costume from Halloween ;D ;D ;D

Nope haven't started any other fires.....that I know of anyhow.

The way that I figure things is that everyone is different for a reason. It emphisized my thoughts when I read the bottom of one of our schedules at the school. They always put an inspirational saying at the bottom. This is one of my favorite.:

Dr. Mel Levine, A Mind at a Time (2002)
"Planet earth is inhabited by all kinds of people who have all kinds of minds. The brain of each human is unique. Some minds are wired to create symphonies and sonnets, while others are fitted out to build bridges, highways, and computers; design airplanes and road systems;drive trucks and taxi cabs; or seek cures for breast cancer and hypertension. The growth of our society and progress of the world are dependant on our commitment to fostering in our children, and among ourselves, the coexistance and mutal respect of these many different kinds of minds."

[Sorka]

Ahhh ... If you give Tridette a cookie... she'll want some milk.. ...heheheh


HERE WE GO STEELERS HERE WE GO!!!

Welcome new member!!!

Now Tridette can't be all that terrible bad! She manages beautifully! She is in that catagory of smart ones who learn to cope! (just like all of us here!)

I have a nice book that might help you on the organisational front.. now if I could only find it.. hehehe.. nope it's here on the shelf!
ADD Friendly Ways to Organise Your Life! (Anne will notice I spell organise the english way)
That would be a great book for your BF to read as well and work with you to get organised!!

But my all time favourite is If I am Diapering a Watermelon Where did I Leave the Baby?.. but that is geared toward moms! (tridette)

Ok enjoy! Got to get some sleep going to steeler country in the AM

BTW I used to live in Greensburg just east of Pittsburgh so I get there quite often!
Denise

[momto3wolves]

I am just like that. Find a dirty sock on the floor, pick it up to take it to the bathroom where the laundry basket is, drop it, find my hairbrush, take it to my room, find a book I was reading last month, take it downstairs to put it in the book case, but then find a letter from my girlfriend and decide to write back. Go look for a pen, but find nail polish on the end table, so decide to do my nails, go to the kitchen to get the remover for the old polish, and find a box of twinkies. Need milk with the twinkie so go to find car keys to buy more milk, but see a message on the computer screen, stop to answer it, and then the clock chimes reminding me it is dinner time, but I haven't defrosted anything yet...

This is me to a tee. ;D

I'm from PA too.

[SGcvn69]

hi ladies! i'm glad to see the site is back up. it's 12:31am here and I'm feeling pretty lonely. I've withdrawn from participating in my online gardening group like I used to b/c I spent way too much time online and having no friends here in Pittsburgh...it's kind of a boring night for me. You can only read so many People magazines! There are so many things going on in my head right now... I'm not sure of who to talk to about them and what about my thoughts that might be something I don't want to admit to/hear. I guess boredom does that to you...you think about everything. BF is at work till 6am and we stayed up so late last night that I woke up around 5pm so I'm not tired! ARGH!

I'm not feeling motivated at all. I guess you could say I'm a bit depressed, about what I don't know. I'm just kinda down. Maybe...I should go plant some flowers in the dark. Bah! I'm going through this fitting in phase a bit late at age 26 and it just sucks...I was so sure and secure about myself when I didn't know what the hell I had and nor did I care. WTF happened??? <sigh>

P.S. wow there are a lot of us in PA...