Want adult ADD opinions on growing up ADD and meds

[DenverSarah]

My son now 7 is currently in the process of receiving a diagnosis via a school evaluation. I've known since he was 5 that his problems are more than bad parenting, wrong teacher etc etc...but I've been resistant to medication. So far my take on medication has been that it is a bandaid that doesn't cure anything and only ends up being a whole 'nother problem in itself in the long run. I've done a lot of research and I've asked anyone and everyone I know who has an ADHD family member how things have worked for them. The few accounts that I have recieved first hand have made me feel confident that my view on medicating is pretty accurate.

One person is the mom of an ADHDer who thought life was grand when her son was first medicated, but now 2 years later he is just as bad as ever WITH meds and dinking around with the dosage has led to the max dose PLUS all the side effects PLUS all the ADHD symptoms.

Another person is the older brother of an ADHDer who took Ritalin all through his high school years and then began to use it recreationally by snorting it. He has been trying to kick that addiction for 5 years the last I heard.

Another person is a 23 year old man who says that " Dosage dinking" completely ruined his high school career and now at 23 he is done with meds and wants to try and live without them.

Lastly, one of my best friends from high school became addicted to crack and was diagnosed ADD while in treatment. She has yet to go for more than 1 year without using and has not had any luck with meds.

Because of these acounts and the stuff I read on med boards...I feel good about my decision, but I still agnonize over it especially when the school is constantly pressuring me to medicate. At this point I'm willing to homeschool, because I feel like most of his problems in school are related to the traditional educational setting that just doesn't fit ADHD kids. I feel like medicating him for the sake of getting him to "fit in" at school isn't a good enough reason. Other than school and some minor issues with social skills, he is a happy, bright kid who can learn with a little extra work and attention. He eats great, sleeps great, and I don't want to mess that up! We pay very careful attention to diet and we supplement with omegas and vitamins.

The point of my post is to ask for opinions from adult ADDers who have used meds what they think of the outcome. Would you decline meds if you could go back and start over? What if you could be homeschooled where there would be plenty of opportunity for excercise and social interaction?

If you are an adult who was diagnosed as a child but was treated with alternative methods, do you wish your parents had used medication instead and why?

Finally, if you find that one of your children is running into the same problems you had, would you follow the same path that your mom did?

Finally, am I doing my son a disservice by letting him get older and older without taking meds?

Please let me know your opinions!!!!

[tridlette]

It is really nice to see a parent REALLY weigh options and solicit advice that is all encompassing!

I saw changes in my ADHD son while he was on meds. Most of all, he had what I called the "Incredible Hulk" let down at the end of each med dosage.

He is 14 now, and 1 yr. off meds. Puberty set in and messed up some of my research, but... I find he is MUCH happier being himself.

I tried meds for ADHD, Strattera, and although I felt more focused, my migraines increased profoundly. I hadn't attributed the migraines to the Straterra until DS started getting sent home from school profoundly ill with migraines after we finished the Strattera ramp up.

I DO homeschool. Patrick is my middle son, of three. They are all exactly 2 yrs apart. While generally they share friends, Patrick does have his own set of friends, that he has made through other places in his life. Like karate class and Boy Scouts.

He also gets finished with school work earlier than his brothers get home, so he has ventured out into the neighborhood here, and made friends with several other boys that are in private or parochial schools and follow a different school calendar.

Some days he hyperfocuses on ONE subject. We completed 12 lessons of analogies in one afternoon, and he really understands them well.

We expand science lessons at times, skim through math lessons that are soooo repetitive for a child with his high IQ.

I see by your profile you live in Colorado. I suggest that if you are going to consider homeschooling, look at www.k12.com They have a Virtual Academy in Colorado (COVA), which is the best of both worlds in my opinion.

I spend my days with my son, pacing him, and myself to adjust well to our learning/working styles. The school provides me with EVERYTHING including computer, monitor, printer, books, supplies, and a teacher to consult. It is a PUBLIC school, so is paid for by tax dollars. The curriculum is very comprehensive and allows for compacting a unit where he really understands a topic quickly and easily, allows for pretesting, so we can jump to the sections that need more work, offers enrichment ideas, and multiple options for teaching a certain idea for children who just learn differently.

I love it because with my ADHD, I can't stay focused long enough to develop an entire year curriculum, so the school does it for me. Everything is monitored by a public school teacher, who is readily available to answer questions and teleconference with us every other week as a minimum.

Patrick has a learning disability, so "grade" placement was a bit of a concern. The school did a very thorough evaluation, and we customized his learning plan to meet HIS needs and personal goals. At 12, Patrick is taking Algebra, US history after 1865, Life Science, and Level 3 English (a.k.a 3rd grade). He gets credit for hours spent in karate class, foreign language (if we get to it!) plus anything he does in Scouts that is directly educational we can count.

The school has regular outings, and field trips, etc.

Socialization is not such a big deal as the public school makes it out to be. I personally think that a child who socializes with adults matures better than a child who is bullied by age level "peers".

Yesterday I had a new furnace installed. Patrick spent the day with the technicians learning about plumbing. His "teacher" gave him credit for math, science and tech. ed. The guys didn't talk down to him, but trust me... this kid is in the middle of every neighborhood football game and my phone rings all summer long with kids wanting to come over here to play.

I think it a matter of choosing his own friends and peers than being forced to "play nice" with the bullies and pig headed kids on the school playground.

He also doesn't mind asking to have something repeated or re explained if he doesn't get it. When he gets a little rowdy, we find something else to do... art or music, or shopping (economics class, right?)

Sorry to ramble on and on, but homeschooling is my life these days!

Laurie

[eaccae]

Sarah -

First off let me just say that the you should not feel pressured by the school or anyone else to use medication. I do, however, believe that your view of medication is a little inaccurate but I know it is personal opinion. I personally believe that medication is something that NO ONE should EVER be pushed into!!! And that as medication works for some - it doesn't work for all, just as I believe that as supplements/diet works for some it doesn't work for all. This opinion is based on my personal experience with medication and my son. I have no intention of making anyone who feels any differently change their mind. I respect all other opinions on this board. But whatever your personal choice or view - you should never feel guilty.

I am an adult add inattentive currently not on meds but I have to tell you that I am currently trying to find a decent psychologist who deals with adult add because at the age of 36 - feel that if I do not do something soon I am gong to implode. I have reached the breaking point in my life. I have tried supplements, organizational tools, and various other things but I can't deal with it anymore.

As far as my son goes - he was put on 5 mg of ritalin twice a day when he was 5. He stayed on that dosage for 2.5 years. He then went to 10 mgs twice a day - which worked well so they switched him to 20 mgs ritalin LA (the extended release equivalent of 10 mgs). This is his 2nd year on this dosage and it is working well. The only difference is that we need to add a booster at the end of the day as the medication wears off by the time he gets home from school. It has always been this way but now that he is in 4th and getting a lot more homework that requires a lot more attention and focus - we need to go in that direction. DS is highly energetic, highly impulsive and highly inattentive. He also scored both when he was 5 and when he was 8 - "superior" on his IQ test and extremely high (between superior and high average) on all the other tests and subtests. But premedication DS went from a very confident, self assured, friendly child with a great love of learning to a very pale, withdrawn child with no self esteem - who couldn't complete one kindergarten worksheet - who cried hysterically and feigned sickness everyday before school. Part of this was the teacher and part of it was the fact that he felt a complete lack of control. DS was at reading level 1 when he started 1st grade and could barely add - not to mention all of his other organizational problems. The medication helped his "high energy" and his impulsiveness which is a HUGE thing!! BUt the most important thing is that it gave him the ability to focus. He is now one of the best readers of his grade - over 2 grade levels ahead, he is doing well in math - has been in enrichment math in certain subjects, is happy again, self confident, loves school . . . is able to participate in a sport (hockey) . . . Now I personally believe that whether you are using natural alternatives or medication - it must go hand in hand with behavioral modifications and a parenting plan. But I don't think behavioral modificaitons work alone. I can tell you that without the medication - DS would probably not even be in 4th grade and we would probably be dealing with a whole bunch of other issues, such as depression. He has not lost any part of himself on the medication - as a matter of fact - if you saw him you would never know that he was adhd or on medication - he is "normal" - he still has energy and creativity! But he is also able to do things that are n ot possible for him when he is not on his medication. And it isn't just with school. He is highly impulsive and that is something aht you don't just "learn" to control. It is a problem that he has no control over and it can be dangerous. His overall quality of life suffers. When he is not on his medication he is unble to play hockey. He can't focus long enough, he drives his teammates crazy - he drives himself crazy. He doesn't like the feeling. Our home life suffers. And I guess that I feel he can't just live in a bubble because he will have to enter the real world sooner or later. And is it fair of me to not give him the same joys as the est of his kids his age? Things that I know he just can't do without his medication?

It is kind of like my bipolar father and his lithium. Without his lithium and it is BAD! It is a necessary medication.

DS and I have had many drug discussions. He is aware that people do it because it makes them feel good and it is fun. He is also aware of all the "bad" stuff. He is very anti-drug and anti-smoking . . . he went in two days ago to have a tooth extracted and HATED the laughing gas. Basically he likes to be in control. Now as for his father (adhd) and me, we have tried many of the drugs out there. Why? Probably because we were looking for something to help US feel "normal". I think that substance abuse has a lot to do with so many factors that it is impossible to say that adhd medication will lead to addiction. The majority of people that I know that have drug problems have NEVER been on any adhd medication. I think genetics, family history, family life, environmental factors, the lack of treatment for an undiagnosed disorder, the prescription of medication due to a misdiagnosis all have a role in addiction.

I am adopted - from overseas and have never had an issue with it. We even forget that I am adopted which is funny because I am still very close with my biological sisters (parents died). I had a difficult time during my teenage years but that was pretty normal - it had nothing to do with my being adopted. But I know soooo many people that went through difficult times as well and will tell you it was a direct result of being adopted. Now, being best friends with some of these people and knowing all that went on I can tell you honestly that the problems were normal teenage problems that had nothing to do with adoption. But it becomes a great scapegoat.

The purpose of the medication isn't to give our children a "high" - but to "normalize" the neurotransmitters that are not functioning properly. It is a fact that adhd is a neurological disorder that affects the "white" matter in the brain - there is evidence that adhd affects brain size in certain areas - although not greatly - but enough possibly to create the adhd symptoms . . .

With that being said - I respect your decision not to use medication. And whether I agree with you or not - you should not feel guilty with your decision. I know I am not an adult currently on medication but I just wanted to share DS's story because it just doesn't resemble any of your examples.

[Sorka]

Ok... It took a while but I knew it was out there..

Colorado enacted a law (HB 1172)on June 5, 2003, requiring school boards to adopt a policy prohibiting school personnel from recommending or requiring the use of a psychotropic drug for any student.

So if the school is pressuring you it is against state law.

That said.. There are some for whom medication works and there are some for whom it does not..
I am at the point where I know no medications are not going to work for my son.. however I am concidering them for myself because I can have all the organizational ideas.. books tools in the world.. and still lack the internal focus to use them.

I am frustrated about that.. but still go back to the voice of my parents and teachers.. if you would only apply yourself if you would only try harder stop being so lazy!!

I was not being lazy.. I was applying myself.. these thoughts and words still haunt me and are probably the only thing preventing me from trying something.. because I still believe them.

So if you feel that he is trying his darndest.. and still spinning his wheels.. you can try meds for him.. or diet or other means.. you don't know what will happen till you tried.

In the end.. you have options.. and in the end no one can force you to medicate your child if you don't want to.
I also homeschool through a k12 virtual academy, mainly because our son's school took the lets' wait and see if the medication works attitude.
And like everyone here will tell you .. meds alone are useless.. meds.. parenting plan and a good behavioural/organizational plan and coaching for the child are a must.

hope this helps..
Denise

[rosyred45]

"I am frustrated about that.. but still go back to the voice of my parents and teachers.. if you would only apply yourself if you would only try harder stop being so lazy!!

I was not being lazy.. I was applying myself.. these thoughts and words still haunt me and are probably the only thing preventing me from trying something.. because I still believe them."

I couldn't have said it better, that's what I am feeling about now.

[SKay]

Sarah, I'm really interested in this topic since your son sounds a lot like mine who is also 7. We have not yet had him evaluated, and I also am avoiding meds as long as possible. I think that my son really doesn't have as many issues as some of the other ADDers so maybe he will be able to get by without meds. The issue of meds or no meds can be a very heated topic, but it's good to see that so far everyone seems to be doing well at stating opinions without condemning others. Please, everyone, continue to give your opinions.

BTW, I have just begun to read The ADD Answer by Frank Lawlis--a friend of Dr. Phil's. Dr. Lawlis seems to be against using meds long-term but not short-term, but I'll see for sure as I get into the book. There is a discussion of this book under ADHD Support.

[rosyred45]

Thanks Skay. Your right in the fact that everyone is very professional with reguards to not condemning others.

I would like to applaude you all for keeping this discussion tactful. THat is why we are here at Acceptance.

And I'll be keeping ym eye on your thoughts about the book

[jdmom]

Just wanted to get on the board as a mom who meds have worked wonders for! Jarrett is 7 and extremely bright. He was always hyper, but I'm pretty hyper myself so it never bothered me. His 3YO preschool teacher hinted that he was "extremely energetic". His Pre-K teacher actually suggested I have him evaluated. When the Kindergarten teacher started hinting around, and his grades started dropping to B's on stuff he had been doing since 3YO preschool, I gave in and made an appointment with his ped. I have never regretted it. We're on our 3rd med (concerta) but it works well for him. He is finally old enough to tell me that he prefers being on the meds. I don't medicate during the summer and weekends. He bounces off the walls, but that's okay with me. I wanted him to be able to do his best in school. I didn't want to take any opportunities away from him. He's a bright kid and I'm a single mom. If he is going to college, it's going to have to be with financial aid so he's going to need all the scholarships that he can get his hands on. The only difference I notice with him when he is on meds is that he is much more "in tune" with everything and not as hyper. When on meds, he'll sit down at home and watch a movie with me. I play ball during the week and on weekends. During the week, and on meds, he will sit in the dugout and watch the game and cheer and yell at us. On weekends and no meds, he will run around the ballpark, talk to everyone he knows and climb the dugout fences. He once again loves school where he was starting to hate it and calling himself a "bad boy". The only problem I have with him at home now is typical little boy stuff. I felt before like I was constantly getting on to him. He was always grounded. I had to ground him this morning for the first time in so long that I can't even remember the last time. He lied to me about brushing his teeth (twice!). Little stinker!

Anyway, to medicate or not to medicate is up to each individual to decide. But you can never "guess" how your child is going to react based on how everyone else's children react. You need to remember that boards such as this one attract more people who are having problems than are doing fine. They are for support and many people turn to places like these for answers. People who are having no problems with the meds are not as apt to search out places like this. Good luck!

[rosyred45]

"Anyway, to medicate or not to medicate is up to each individual to decide. But you can never "guess" how your child is going to react based on how everyone else's children react. You need to remember that boards such as this one attract more people who are having problems than are doing fine. They are for support and many people turn to places like these for answers. People who are having no problems with the meds are not as apt to search out places like this. Good luck!"

Jdmom has a point about the guessing. Every body reacts differently to everything. What works for you might not work for me, and vice versa.

Great to hear that you found something that works for Jarred

[DenverSarah]

Thank you to everyone who replied. We still have a few no-med approaches we want to try, but I feel better about the prospect of using meds if those methods don't give him the help he needs. I just want to make sure that my decisions are based upon what's best and not my own personal convictions.


Thanks especially to the HB1172 reference Sorka, they have MOST DEFINITELY been pressuring me to use meds, and I'm really upset about the whole thing. I've been feeling like I'm getting "ganged up" on and it's been extremely stessful. The big meeting is on Oct. 28th and I'm trying to pack as much info as I can into my brain so I can be armed with info and not emotions. Wish me luck!

[eaccae]

Sarah

DH's cousin has an almost 6 year-old that was "informally" diagnosed with adhd last year. He also has some LD's that have not yet been pinpointed. The school actually insinuated to them that if they didn't medicate their son the school would not be able to provide services. (Thank goodness she is a teacher herself and used the administrative crap because I probably would have lost it). He is not on medication - hey - he hasn't been formally diagnosed yet and clearly they are still giving him services. It was a strongarm tactic. Remember this when you go into your meeting - the school has a RESPONSIBILITY to work with your child and provide the necessary services and accomodations whether you decide to medicate or not. And medication doesn't make a difference if the school/teacher doesn't follow through!! As I stated before - medication has worked for us - but I tend to think that schools use it as an excuse to not have to work as hard at helping our children (again, just another opinion)! Don't be afraid of medication if you do need to ultimately go that route. But you stick to your guns and don't be strongarmed into anything! Make sure that school gives you the appropriate services regardless!!!

Here is keeping my fingers crossed for you that the meeting goes well! And remember - you are a great mom and a great advocate for you child!!!

[rosyred45]

Sarah, like Eaccae said stick to your guns.

Another thing you might want to do is go to the education section. There is alot of helpful info there when it comes to meetings and such. I know when I went to our meeting, I was loaded with papers. I made copied for everyone so that we didn't share and everyone could keep one on file.

I was actually encouraged to do this by the Assistant principal. That's when she told me to STICK TO MY GUNS too.

[DenverSarah]

Thanks you guys! I'm feel very supported here by the other parents...so helpful I can't tell you!
Thank God for the internet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jdmom]

heehee - this place keeps ME off medication! ;D

What would we do without it?

GOOD LUCK!

[rosyred45]

Can I quote JDSMOM AGAIN