Social screw-ups

[Honeysmom]

I am not sure if I missed a day back in HS or what, but I am so confused!! I know the men and women think diffrently, but my gosh.

Anyhow, I worked Friday night and played a game of dice for dollars with a group of guys. Now, my opinion of myself, as far as looks go, is not all that high. I am really critical so I do like it when I get a compliment here and there. One guy that was playing with us was being very nice to me, and I though very polite.

Well, a friend of Jerry's was also playing with us and when we were done he left. Then he returned a few hours later. He started talking and all of a sudden he was picking on me. Saying that it was odd the was that Bill handed me the dice personally. I told him that I thought it was polite and he said to me, "Are you really that stupid?" No one has ever said that to me before, and I was offended. I didn't know how to respond, I was caught off guard. So all I said was "that was not a nice thing to say." Then he kept on and by the time he was done I was crying. Then he called me a ball-baby.

I told Jerry on him and they had a little talk about it this afternoon. I know I am not stupid, but I also aknowledge a lot of things that are subtle I don't catch. Then when they are brought to my attention or someone makes a rude or mean remark to me I don't know how to react or what to say. Or I think of what to say after-the-fact and I look like a fool.

What Jerry's friend said and did was wrong in the way he said it, but I really didn't get that this guy was trying to pick up on me until it got spelled right out and I felt so dumb. Not to metion I was being polite back, which he apparently took as me flirting with him.

Does anyone else have this problem or it just me? I always run into a brick wall and don't even see it comming. Either people think I am crabby and stuck up, which is really shyness, or they think I am too nice. How do I find a balance? It really bugs me, I just try to be polite and it back fires.

Is it so wrong to not notice this kind of stuff? I had no intention of flirting with anyone and still don't think I did. But someone does and now I feel bad about it b/c I think I look like a flirter to others. I was just doing my job, I thought the bar tender was supposed to be friendly.

Jerry said I get too worked up. He said he doesn't see it, but a new self-concience has set in and I must correct it or I will be a hermit again.

it's annoying...Becky

[finnmom]

Oh Becky

MEN Who can figure them out I personally think that being polite and friendly is the way to go, nothing wrong with innocent conversation between men and women. Unfortunately, what is conversation for you, may occur as flirt to someone else I dont know... I think Jerry´s friend had some other problem´s in here too, or the guy talking to you made some remark´s of you he didn´t like

I´am the totall opposite for you, I think that I see and seek for the hidden remark´s of the conversation all the time... I feel like I have my sencor´s out all the time, that can be really exhausting too

But I´am like you when I get mad; I tend to figure out the best responce afterward´s I can keep up for myself, but then I figure how else I could have said it

I think you shouldn´t take this so seriously, I think there was something else in here, what was not you at all, but something between those guy´s... Let it go. You´re a wonderfull person, just keep being you

[rosyred45]

Becky, ((((((hugs)))))))
Don't let it get to you. Jerry's friend is what I call, well, we just can't type it here, but he was jealous. Period. Jealous that you married Jerry and jealous that you were being friendly. I don't say flirting because I do the same thing and people always take it as flirting when I am just being nice.

Quick story, Promise I'll make it short ::)OK, Mike and i had broke up for about a year. In that time we still hung out with all of his friends, that were now my friends too. They told me I was still welcome there even if Mike and i weren't together and if it ever got to be a problem then we(me and Mike) would have to figure that out. Any how, One night we were sitting around in the basement and they were playing Dungeons and Dragons. This guy Jimmy who is a goof ball kept talking to me, didn't think anything of it. He was teasing me, we were all laughing.

Then he said he was leaving and asked if I could drive him home, he was too intoxicated to walk. I told him sure. So we get into the car and around the block he scooted over :oI told him the door wasn't going to fly open and he laughed. By the time that we got to his house about 2 minutes later, he leaned over and tried to give me a kiss :oWell, that's about what I felt like. I told him no, go on in and go to bed.

I got back and ALL of the kids asked if he made a move on me. I said HOW DID YOU KNOW They said he was flirting with me all night. :-XI still don't see it as that, I was just being nice.
So guess what, your not stupid, you are sincere with friendly intentions and vice versa. Just because you got a bunch of guys sitting around being nice doesn't mean you have to be ignorant because your married. Know what I mean

Kaiti

[Linda]

Becky marja is right...just keep being you...you have done nothing wrong.You are a very nice compassionate person.

[MomX2]

I think you're being too hard on yourself. I mean geez, that guy is rude and bad tempered. Maybe you don't think that way because you're a better person. I wonder what his problem is that he felt the need to make such a comment to you. That's sure not a way to keep a friendship is it?

One of my friends told me to read a book called "You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Crazy or Stupid" which is written for adults with ADD. I decided to read it because I value her opinion. It's really very interesting. My kids have had a great time making fun of me for reading this book. They're just stuck on the title of it.

[Linda]

I read that book...It is actually pretty good!

[Honeysmom]

I'm going to have to find that book.

I thought the same as Marja, that he was jelous, but I think that is silly. I'm not married to him, so what concern is it to him. It would be one thing if it bugged Jerry, but he also said to just let it go.

I guess I'll be happy then just being me. If a few people see me as "stupid" I guess that it is not worth my time or energy to convince them otherwise.

[rosyred45]

The jealousy thing is a guy thing. just competing for the competition of attention, guys do it all the time. For that matter girls do it too. I'll admit I get a bit of jealousy if I'm in a conversation and someone is trying to show me up. Actually it's more annoying than anything, but I don't let it get to me.

Just be you ;D

[Linda]

I think girls are more jealous of other girls....especially teen-age girls...ohhhhh they are mean!

[rosyred45]

OMG, I got a dirty look from some little Miss Thang coming up on my porch :oOnly to be 17 again, AND when she left, she turned around and waved goodbye to my husband :oI wasn't on the porch or I'da said good bye too ;D ;D ;D

[eaccae]

Honestly who cares if the guy was trying to pick you up or not - Jerry's friend was just plain RUDE!!! I find that most of us women don't notice when guys are trying to pick us up - it's not the way we think - you are defninitely not stupid! And personally - I think you should feel good that he was trying to pick you up! Definitely sounds like he was jealous that this guy might have been getting more attention than him - otherwise why would he really care?

People jump to conclusions all the time - I had two really good friends at work - they were guys in their early twenties - I was in my early thirties! (I was married for ten years with one child). I didn't find out until I was on maternity leave that the whole office was SURE that I was having an affair with one of these guys - I was PREGNANT for goodness sake (with my DH's baby, thank you very much)! Apparently I missed that whole water cooler rumor! Talk about feeling stupid! But I have to say that I felt pretty good that the office people actually thought I could land one of these young, good looking lads!

Don't feel stupid at all - and everyone is right - continue being yourself!

[Honeysmom]

Thanks everyone very much!!

I worked last night and I was myself and know what?? About 4 older men (60+) all said that I had the friendliest personality of all the bar tenders there. That really made me feel good about myself.

I think jelousy was part of it, and that is just silly b/c this guy is supposed to be a friend of Jerry's.

I do't know if guys or girls are more jelous, but I think teenage girls show it much easier. I went through HS thinking everyone didn't like me, and now that I look back, they did like me. The ones who were mean to me were jelous.

Eaccae, it think that story you told is true so often. Some people can't handle it when men and women are friends and that is how they act. I do have some girlfriends, but I also get along much better (usually) with men b/c I am interested in their perspective on things and I don't feel like they are competing with me. Some people do take that as an instant romance. If that were the case, I'd have to assign days of the week to all of my "boyfriends."

[rosyred45]

I got a couple cute ones, you can borrow one if you want.

The first is Trace Adkins
The Second is Tim McGraw.

OK, only kidding, I wish I had thier money, that's all ;D

[Linda]

See Becky...we told you it wasn't you....just keep being Becky

[Honeysmom]

Thanks Linda.

Kaiti, you are a devilish, but honest girl!!

If we are picking can I have one also??

Becky