REFUSES to...

[tridlette]

It sounds to me like a serious case of PERFECTIONISM!

Believe it or not, he probably is so worried about it not being up to everybody's standards, especially his own ideal of what perfect is, that the fear of doing it wrong has him paralyzed.

I have been dealing with this for years, and am just now realizing it! It is less embarrassing to be a failure because I CHOOSE to be, than it is to let the world see that I didn't do it EXACTLY perfect. I can stand to be called lazy or sloppy, but I can't stand to be judged by ANYBODY!

Just food for thought. If he was to tell the teacher what work HE is GOING to do and how, would it be more likely to get done? If he says, I don't want to write the spelling words out 5 times each, but I will write them out into a silly story for you, would it get done? Because, for him, the BIG PICTURE is what is important. It isn't HOW he is learning, but that he IS learning. Can he do the spelling words orally?

With a bit of creativity, maybe he can demonstrate his gained knowledge in a manner that is acceptable to him, and still get it through to the teacher that he HAS learned. He might be just so dang smart, that he can't be bothered with the wasted efforts. Doing busy work just for the sake of being busy isn't going to teach him anything.

I think the boy is always going to be a challenge, but if you let him spark you instead of ignite you, your family will come out stronger at the other end!

[catseye]

I am all for kids suffering their own consequences!!!

Just a minor warning though, it can turn into a catch 22... I dont know how other schools work, but in my sd's schools, it always seems to be OUR (parents) fault if child isnt succeeding...

cat

[StrugglingAgain]

I hear ya! However, I've been up there so much and they've seen my face, heard my phone calls and read my emails, that they wouldn't DARE push the fault off on us. I also can't see where any one of them would blame me. My job is to be his mother....nothing else is as important....period.

[milesofsmiles]

With Nate, it is a combination of his desired perfectionism, extreme shyness, time constraints, that leads him to shut down. Our psychiatrist says we need to keep exposing him to the situation, with a reward incentive and lots of praise. We'll have to see, cause Nate can be pretty stubborn in his ways if he wants to.

Nate will literally shut down when it comes to timed testing of any kind. First he has to think of the answer (under the gun of a clock), then think of how to write it on the paper (under the gun of a clock), then write it, and if it is not formed just right in his eyes, to erase and rewrite again. For him it is easier just not to do it. So we have copies of the tests at home and we do it a couple of times a night.

We are pretty early in this therapy to determine if it is doing any good. It looks like the most painful minute anyone could go through. We really put in the extra hours of practice. We just push a little more each time, then back off to let him recover. In theory (I've heard that before) he will build up a tolerance to the activity. So, stay tuned.

Miles

[StrugglingAgain]

Good luck with that, Miles. Introducing things like that was a waste of time with my ds. I can't help but think that if none of the behavior mods have worked, the stims aren't working, then there's something else going on with my ds. Good luck and keep us posted on the progress!!