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Post by Honeysmom on Jun 19, 2004 11:25:59 GMT -5
I would also be a little worried about what messages it is sending. If you let them keep playing behind the parent's backs it is showing both boys that as long as you don't get caught it is OK, and no one wants to send that message.
Now I really think that S's parents have gone to far. It is so obvious that no one else is threatened by your ds's outburst. I wonder if it is possible that the parents made a decision and now feel like they can't go back on it. Also, I would le the parents know that you talked to grandma and decided that it was still best for S to go home and let them decide.
They should take a lesson from the kids on this one.
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Post by ohmama on Jun 20, 2004 15:04:31 GMT -5
Quote "I would also be a little worried about what messages it is sending. If you let them keep playing behind the parent's backs it is showing both boys that as long as you don't get caught it is OK, and no one wants to send that message."
Good point Honeysmom! Some of the most beneficial advice I have received on this forum has come from ones who speak out and make such comments of truth that I may not have considered.
By the way I love your quote of Proverbs 1:5 at the bottom of your post.
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Post by finnmom on Jun 20, 2004 15:14:28 GMT -5
Amsmom
I hope you´ve delivered the letter, I think that was a good one. Honeysmom is right, let them know that S keep´s coming, that you want them to know about it and then again stress the thinkg that S does not seem to be upset about this. I hope this work´s out for you and your ds.
Marja
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Post by rosyred45 on Jun 20, 2004 15:36:57 GMT -5
I'll be honest, I'm sorta torn here. I agree with Becky when it comes to the fact of going behind backs, but I also see the point of Gramma, if she KNOWs kids will be kids and you do pay attention, I see that point too.
I'm sorry to not be of more help now. Except that since they know that S has been over, you might as well talk to them and try to get it straightened out now, so that way it can be done. You state what you think.....via the letter or personally, and they state what they think....via another letter or personally.
Whatever it is, you can't help if you bump into each other (meaning gramma) at a public park or anything can you?
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Post by Amsmom on Jun 20, 2004 21:22:07 GMT -5
Yep, I was extremely uncomfortable with the boys trying to meet each other behind S's mom's back, even if grandma said yes. I haven't given her the letter, b/c I heard from another neighbor that S and his family are moving in a week. I had known they would be moving, but not that soon!! So things will resolve themselves. My ds was very sad today that he could not play with S, but at least I won't have to deal with him being across the street much longer.
Thanks all you guys, I really appreciate all the input!
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Post by Linda on Jun 21, 2004 8:58:57 GMT -5
Let's hope that your new neighbors will have a "buddy" for your little guy to play with.He deserves it.  |
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Post by rosyred45 on Jun 21, 2004 12:35:56 GMT -5
God works in mysterious ways. At least you won't have to worry about it in a little while.
HUGS to you
Kaiti
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Post by MomX2 on Jul 11, 2004 7:22:53 GMT -5
I'm just wondering if your child knows any older, mature kids he could spend time with? By that I mean kind of a big brother type figure or something? I've read and truely believe that kids with these types of difficulties need to spend time with strong adults and mature older kids who can help them reshape their behavior.
The other mother is worried about her child. What you may want to consider is how this is affecting your child. If he continues to play with the other child and react in the same way he may be developing a habit. It may better to limit his play with the other child just to break that habit. You just don't want that to become a life-long pattern of get angry, yell and later have to apologize.
As hurtful as the situation seems to be for now it may get better in time if you continue to focus on helping your child and shaping his behavior. Your child might even be willing to make it his goal to prove to the other child's mother than he can be a good friend.
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Post by Amsmom on Jul 11, 2004 18:37:52 GMT -5
Thanks for writing Momx2. I had a number of talks with my ds8 about his behavior and that he can't just keep apologizing and expect people to just keep forgiving him. I think it really made an impact on him when he saw that he was not getting anymore chances with S. I had told S's mom that I understood her feelings and that she was trying to protect her child. They have moved away now, but I think my son learned a valuable lesson. I am working very hard on teaching my son that he CAN control his behavior. Not an easy task because he does have such a short fuse, but very important for real life.
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Post by gabrielsmom on Mar 27, 2005 20:17:36 GMT -5
amsmom:
I hope everything turns out well and that your ds learned a valuable lesson that will hopefully serve him well with the next friend he makes. AND BE ASSURED!!!! HE WILL MAKE ANOTHER FRIEND PERHAPS EVEN FRIENDS....
Hang in there
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mothercat
Member Emeritus
With a little luck and a lot of Gods help anything is possible!
Posts: 1,468
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Post by mothercat on Mar 27, 2005 23:34:11 GMT -5
I would be asking myself a couple questions here.
1) Would I want my child playing with someone whose parents thought my child capable of such things?
2) It takes two and does their child intentionally provoke the outbursts? If they play fine when grandma is in charge is the mother the one who is subcontiously provoking the outbursts? (outbursts just dont happen for no reason even in bipolar kids)
3) If the child is waiting for you when you get home and knows he isn't spose to be there..it signals behavior problems . Maybe yours isnt the only one with probs and maybe they wont admit it. At any rate if "going behind familie members backs" runs in the that family I sense dysfunction and something just doesn't seem right.
And finally the letter was nice but I think they owe you an apology for being childish and ignorant. Your child deserves a better friend.
***********
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Post by lindad5432 on Jun 12, 2005 12:24:46 GMT -5
I'm new here but wanted to extend my sympathies...
We have a similar situation. There is one other little girl in the neighborhood, 2 years younger than my Sarah. They played together all the time but there was an issue where Sarah "borrowed" a barbie dress (she says the little girl gave permission) and now - for more than 6 months with no end in sight - this little girl is not allowed to play with my daughter. Her mother said "Jessica will NEVER be allowed to play with you again." And it appears she's completely serious based on the fact that 6 months later, they haven't played even once.
It breaks my heart wide open. I have no clue how to fix it for her....
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Post by Amsmom on Jun 14, 2005 19:41:15 GMT -5
lindad!!! thanks for your kind words. im so sorry your little sarah has had a similar experience. i absolutely believe that the other little girl let sarah borrow the barbie dress, kids do things like that all the time. i think the girl's mother must be a little unstable to overreact like that! maybe it's better off that sarah doesn't go over there, who knows what that mother might come up with.
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