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Post by loveforeric on Feb 14, 2004 21:21:41 GMT -5
Catatonic; I am sorry your son is going thru this. My ds will be 9 in April and is doing the same thing. He was crying every night. Asking why he tried so hard to be nice to kids and they don't respond. It broke my heart. I know this is hard for you and I am senind you prayers and (((((((Hugs)))))). Eric has started a social group class with other children and has had two sessions and said he likes it. Plus he has met another child with ADHD and said it made him feel better to know he isn't the only kid in his school to have ADHD.. I would check to see if they have a social skills class in your school, It might help some.... Until then, good Luck and we are thinking of you and your boy.... Christina  |
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Post by catatonic on Feb 18, 2004 7:53:26 GMT -5
My son has begun taking the "avoidance" approach. He's begged me to pick him up for lunch every day for a week and a half now, and I've been doing that, figuring it won't hurt until his next psychologist appointment when hopefully we can figure out a better strategy. (Do I have any bright ideas? Nooooooo.)
Why do other kids dislike our kids? They're wonderful children!!!!!!! I listen to my 7th grader talk about two kids that he just can't stand at school and both of them have ADHD. Both are nice boys (in my opinion, anyway) just hyper. Yet all the kids "hate" them and no one wants to hang around with them...which is how my 4th grader feels. Do our kids act completely different when we're not around? Do we just somehow fail to see that they're obnoxious? Do they not detect the social cues that would help them distinguish who doesn't like them and who might be receptive to friendly overtures?
Challenge Boy is in social skills class with the school counselor for the second year now. The counselor has made him one of her group leaders, which is good for his self-esteem, but that's about all it seems to have helped. Judging from his friendless status, his social skills don't appear to have improved significantly. However, I remain hopeful...
While I can't say my son is exactly starved for company at home -- we have too many children for that ever to happen -- he really needs someone his own age. Everyone needs a friend! But when he was playing tennis, he didn't make any friends there. He didn't make any in the music program or at Sunday school. My heart breaks for him. I end up lying on his bed with him and crying right along with him. (I doubt that's good parenting procedure. Dr. Spock wouldn't approve.)
I wish some of you lived in El Paso. Then we could form a social club and all of us, including our kids, could make friends!
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Post by swmom on Feb 18, 2004 11:26:02 GMT -5
cat -
Have you spoken to his teacher about this yet? Just wondered what her take on it might be.
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Post by swmom on Feb 18, 2004 12:28:17 GMT -5
Do you think that society makes us(and our children) feel that to be successful you have to have a lot of friends? Boy, I do.
Cat - What your son is going through breaks my heart!
Brings tears to my eyes. It sounds like he's trying so hard and no one is responding. My daughter has said this, too. Consider this. Sometimes, it's not our kids.
Oftentimes, other children are so mean and so rude
and so selfish, they are not friends worth having. It's
important I think that our kids realize that it's OK to be
without friends for the time being. One will eventually come along! Until then, it's OK NOT to play the social game. A good friend is a very difficult thing to find. I only had one I can remember. I didn't really want to be around kids I "sort of" liked. I much preferred to be by myself doing something I really enjoyed. And I'm still like that, at the age of 46! Would much rather be by myself! The social game can be one of life's most painful experiences. I think it's OK to reject it temporarily if it's causing too much emotional pain.
It is awful to watch your child, particularly if they're social, try and fail to connect with other kids - over and over again. I really do understand what you're going through. Been there and still there. But I also believe that eventually they'll figure it out. I think it takes ADHDers longer to learn this because it requires a great deal of awareness that these kids are still developing.
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Post by geewiznit on Feb 18, 2004 16:35:21 GMT -5
swmom, I kmow just what you mean----I have always only had a handful of friends, and have to truly feel a connection to even want to begin a relationship. I also am very happy with myself for company. My son is the same way. Unfortunately my ADHD-er is very gregarious, and always needs and wants to be around her peers, is desperate for friends, and has a terrible time making and keeping them.
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Post by geewiznit on Feb 18, 2004 16:36:28 GMT -5
swmom, I kmow just what you mean----I have always only had a handful of friends, and have to truly feel a connection to even want to begin a relationship. I also am very happy with myself for company. My son is the same way. Unfortunately my ADHD-er is very gregarious, and always needs and wants to be around her peers, is desperate for friends, and has a terrible time making and keeping them.
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