I feel like I'm letting him down

[momto3wolves]

My son, who is 8, is going to be eval'ed for LD's and ADHD soon. I feel like I'm doing him a disservice, instead of helping him. Yes, I want to know why he's so unorganized, and unfocused. But at the same time, I'm scared to death that they are going to find something that warrants taking him out of regular classes. Probably won't happen, his grades are good, but I don't want him to be "the dumb kid". He already has to be pulled out for handwriting OT, so he'll be missing class, and his friends are all going to wonder where he's going. The teacher told me the OT could come into the classroom, but I think that would make him self conscious, and fuel the other kids remarks, if any.

This rots. I can tell the school I want him in regular classes, right? Mostly I want to know how to help him better, and give the teacher ideas on how to teach him so he learns better. I don't want him in sp. ed. He doesn't belong there.

And just so you all know, I'm probably jumping the gun. He's most likely ADHD with dysgraphia and a few other areas of weakness. His grades are fine, and he reads above grade level.

[Linda]

If he is doing well in reg. classes he probably will stay there.

A lot of our kids are in spe. ed classes and they are thriving with the one on one with the teachers. It is NOT a disgrace!!!

Personally I welcomed the evaluation because then I knew I could go forward. Not knowing was the killer!!!

If you don;t make a big deal out of things chances are your son won't either.

You are not doing your son a disservice....you are helping him to be the best he can be.

Kids are very resilient.....what bothers you probably doesn't bother him.

Let us know how it goes.....Linda

[momto3wolves]

Just to clarify...I don't think it's a disgrace, but if he doesn't belong there, I don't want him there. I had a good friend with a lot of family problems/depression/bad grades and the school put her in the class with the downs syndrome and disruptive kids b/c they didn't know what else to do with her. That was years ago, and her mom should've done something, so I guess I'm worrying for no good reason, but still, I am.

[AnneM]

momto3wolves ...

The tests your ds is undergoing (hopefully with input from his teachers!!) should clearly identify whether or not he needs extra help in any specific areas ... I sure hope they would not take a child out of a class in which he/she was functioning very well to give them extra help where it wasn't needed!!

Good Luck!! Let us know how it goes!!

[finnmom]

Mom2, hi

I´d say, wait until you get the result´s before getting all scared of what will happend. if they find out he need´s extra help, he´ll be able to get the help he need´s and that´s a good thing.

[kurs10b]

I dont know about your school, but the kids at my sons school think it is cool to get pulled out of class. Doesnt matter if it is for speech, gifted, ot, resource or whatever.

[Kaiti]

:)Mom, I would personally welcome Mikey being in Spec. Ed classes. Yeah, he wouldn't be with all of his friends all day, but I send him to school to get an education. He can have his friends over on the weekends.

Every child learns in a different way, and the better knowlege the teachers have as to learning styles, the better it is for everyone around. I don't look at things like learning disabilities as a negative, just a difference.

Take care and keep us updated. Oh and this is the perfect time to teach tolerance for differences, just remind that everyone is different and no two people are alike.(except identical twins )

[loveforeric]

Mom;

I have to agree with Kaiti. The testing will help the teachers be knowledgeable in knowing how to best give your child the Education he deserves.

My children all have differences, many differences. I just look at them as blessings in disguise. except this week. ;D ;D ;D

If his grades are fine, They may just pull him from class, depends on the school.

Good luck with the test and keep us posted,
Peace,
Christina

[tridlette]

I know just how you feel, about the torn emotions. Just a little background from my life as a parent in Pennsylvania. When we moved here, we heard about the "gifted" classroom, and thought, this is perfect for Michael... the district waited over a year before identifying him as gifted. But he loved the accelerated classes and the extra projects he "got" to do. Then Patrick was identified as well, and he was very quiet in the pullout program they had, but he loved it too. The rest of the school knew Mr. Casey, the gifted teacher, and everybody wanted into his class because he did all the fun and cool stuff. Finally, when both those two went to the middle school, I pushed to have Shaun evaluated a 3rd time. He failed the screening again. By that time, Patrick was falling flat on his face in middle school... the humiliation of the teacher not being able to read his handwriting, and his "paragraph" being 2 sentence long after a 45 minute writing period. I went nuts and had him evaluated for LD's. Surprise... he has dysgraphia and written language LD. So, the school is going to offer him spec. ed services... but I took him out and put him in a virtual charter school... a public school that I teach out of our own home (similar to home school but with support teachers who are qualified and certified in reg. ed and spec. ed). So, with Patrick's report in hand, I went to the district and had Shaun eval.'d for same LD's... surprise... he is also gifted... he just masked the giftedness by not writing well. (Patrick had masked the LD with his gifteness!) He also was given all the accomodations in school.

BUT... spec. ed was every day in a class of 15 kids from 11-12:30, while the other 4 classes were doing language arts, the 15 did it too, but individualized. Sounds great. Except the gifted class had pullout 3 days a week from 11:30 to 12:30! So, in an effort to get him all the spec. ed time, they pulled him from 1-2p.m. 3 days a week to make up, during READING time. It gets better... He needed speech therapy, so he was being pulled out at 10 a.m. twice a week, during Science Class. And the OT came in once a week during history class.

If the work wasn't done in class, or if homework was missing, the kids had to go to "clean up" during recess and work! Well, can you imagine a disorganized kid with dysgraphia, taking down the homework assignment on his own, IF he was actually in the classroom to get it? And understand what to do when he wasn't in the class? Shaun spent EVERY day in clean up, until he told me what was going on! Then, out came the and the kid got to go for recess. (did I mention that during this whole non-sense the gym teacher accused him of being an overweight "couch potato" and that he needs to get outside and exercise more!)

So, after 2 weeks of them "trying" to work out a better schedule for him, I took him home too!

finally, a few months after all that, I requested the high school do another FULL eval on Michael too. Surprise again, he also is writing at a 3rd grade level! Amazing what they can do with a little time and investigation. BUT... this year, the high school special ed teacher, changed his entire schedule on Day 2 of the year, because she didn't think a "special ed" kid belonged in honors classes... she didn't notice the "gifted" class label from the last 6 years! GRRRR!

So, Momto3wolves... I KNOW where your concerns are coming from, and where they can lead. My bottom line is this... according to law... your child is entitled to FAPE (free APPROPRIATE public education) The district has a responsiblility to teach appropriately for his learning style. If he does end up in a pull out course, he can handle it any way he choses... he can let on that he is on "special assignment" that only the "priviliged few" get, as in "gifted" and I don't want to embarrass you by doing the really hard stuff in front of you and making YOU look dumb! And it may actually be true. So many of the gifted kids in my sons classes were labelled ADHD, until their giftedness was identified, and the teachers started teaching FASTER to accomodate their little sponge like brains. They got fidgety when they were bored, which happens FREQUENTLY with really smart kids. Same with dysgraphia... their brains work faster than the small muscles that control a pencil, so the handwriting gets in the way.

Go ahead with the eval. Look at the IQ levels, but hopefully they are using a newer form of the test, which will break down the full scale IQ into sub catagories. Processing speed, working memory, perceptual reasoning, and verbal comprehension. Study up on each sub group. And then look at the GAP between the highest and the lowest score on the scale... therein lies the true story. A gap of more than 20 points is considered "significant" Michael scored a 138 in Verbal comprehension, but his working memory was 62! That was a 66 point gap, apparent in less than 0.001% of the population (or as we tell him, he is a freak of nature!)

Now that we KNOW what his strengths are, we work around them and accent his weaknesses. You said:

Mostly I want to know how to help him better, and give the teacher ideas on how to teach him so he learns better. I don't want him in sp. ed. He doesn't belong there.

The eval is great starting point. No changes CAN be made until you agree to it, there are steps that have to be done even after the eval before placement changes can be made. Take your time with each step. Ultimately, you ARE the parent, and have his best interests at heart. You WON'T make the wrong decisions, you know the child better than any one in this world. Take your time, take your time, take your time!

But, get the information, so you can make an informed decision when it feels right!

Send me an e-mail if you want, I will gladly talk more with you.

Laurie

[momto3wolves]

THANK YOU, TRID!!! I'm in PA, too. Your story is exactly what I'm afraid of. I know that the schools try to do their best, but sometimes their best, isn't the kid's best, KWIM?

The thing is, this is only the beginning. I really need to have my 6 y.o. eval'ed too, and he is hard to handle at times. I shudder to think of how school will be for him. He is wicked smart, but so ADHD too. I'll be shocked if he doesn't get the dx.

[tridlette]

take a look at the www.penngifted.org web site. PAGE, is pennsylvania association of gifted education. We have a "PAGE list" which is an e-mail system of asking and answering questions statewide. There are parents and educators from Pittsburgh to Philadelphia and state level people from Harrisburg, all working together to find the answers to best educate these wonderful little brains. Seriously, send me an e-mail, and I can give you a LONG list of resources, I was a chapter president in my area.

As for the schools doing the best... HA! Our "National Blue Ribbon School of Excellence" is a MESS, beyond comprehension! I could spend a month telling you all that is wrong with it! Hence, I have 2 of my 3 kids home with me, and the 3rd one waiting for acceptance to a private school!

[momto3wolves]

tridlette, just sent you an email.

[kstquilter]

i have a cousin who explained to me that if the school does the evaluation they have the right to put your child in whatever class they feel is best.
if you take your child to dr's then the school can't tell you where your child belongs. i'm not sure if this is state wide or federal. you may want to find that out.
i do understand your concern about having your child in special ed if they don't belong there. so much stigma that can follow your child his entire school life at least as far as his peers are concerned.
i wish you good luck with your evaluations.
karen

[mskris]

Trid:

Just read these postings. Taylor is being eval'd by the school this time (already went through private) in order to qualify for IEP due to LD in reading. I also have him seeing a private tutor to help him overcome his LD.

Now I'm worried about Amy! She's been id'd with LD in reading, too. But I noted last night that her handwriting is atrocious! She knows what she wants to write, and even how to spell it, but can't seem to get it down on paper. I'm wondering if she has dysgraphia, too, and maybe needs OT? Hmmm. Think I'll be calling the counselor today...

Kris

[george3]

Hi Kris,

ADHD makes written information look like a giant blur. It becomes a giant maze to get lost in. The focus moves back and forth. It causes the reader to bypass the place they are reading at. It seems to help if a rule is established that the reader cannot go to the next word until they completely finish the word they are at. After a while the gain the rythm of the reading and juggle phrases. Eventually they become more fluid in their reading.
Another thing that seems to work is to have someone to draw the words, instead of writing them. It turns the word into a picture instead of graphic letters that can get jumbled up. People with ADHD see things in pictures instead of letters and words. My doctor told me this. He also has ADHD.

George