Not sure I can do this any longer~~

[StrugglingAgain]

A group home for boys is exactly what our family therapist suggested because ds wasn't trying to help our family life, wouldn't talk after many, many appts., etc. At nine years old, I refused to go that route with him...yet. Yesterday he kicked someone in the privates at school. Geee, I thought maybe the physical stuff was behind us. That's what I get for thinking! I'm trying so hard to not give him more meds before the appt. at Children's Hospital on Oct. 4th for fear they will want him on completely different meds, but I don't know if we'll make it. It's my understanding that Ritalin's half life is very short, so just yesterday I started giving him a Focalin so we can make it through the evening without yelling and screaming. I can't give him anymore at school without going back to the psychiatrist and he doesn't want him to have anymore for the same reason. It's a vicious circle. I asked ds why he kicked someone that way and he says, "Just cuz.". That's the same thing he told the teacher.

At any rate, I just refuse to put him in any kind of school for children like him. If his elementary school suggests it, I'll have no option but to consider it or home school. {THAT would be a nightmare!!!} But I can't help but think that the biggest problem is an incorrect dx and therefore incorrect medication.

This saddens me soooo much. Whatever happened to the kind of laughter where everyone falls on the floor holding their sides? I've not done that in nine years.

[catseye]

SA: Please get some down time for you! Somewhere in all this I feel you havent had the time you need to rejuvenate.... If you have to duck tape him do it!! LOL KIDDING! Seriously though, if you dont get some time to yourself you are going to lose it, and it is not going to be pretty... I know I have been there and done that, I am ashamed to say!

I keep saying you have punished him over and over, taken things away ect... Have you tried a reward system instead? It has dont a complete turn around for us!

How about YOU spending 20 minutes a day with dear son? Maybe your husband could do the same thing, with a different child for 20 minutes (that is how we do it, then switch children) DO whatever it is he wants to do... Let him make the rules for 20 minutes to any game, he makes up, or board game or whatever... We specifically called it "special time" and my sd looked forward and planned for it everyday (which mean I played ALOT of barbies, which I am way over barbies believe me!!)... At first this system really stunk~ I felt like the world (or our house) was revolving around my sd, and it made me angry, jealous (stupid I know!) etc.... Once I started seeing the changes though WOW! Is all I can say...

Please at least consider giving it a shot, I really cant tell you how much the special time, and reward system has changed our lives! I really hope it works for you...

Also my sd is starting her school, made specifically for kids like her (cognitive impaired), they get to go to the local pool one day a week!! At first this upset me, as my sd obviously needs some serious school work time, BUT I am trying to believe that this will give her something to look forward to, and just may help her educationally also... (crossing my fingers anyway!!)

I wish you the best of luck, in whatever way you try... Just dont forget you too!! Hang in there we are here for you...

cat

[Kaiti]

S/A, I know that you are not around here-NJ-, but I wanted to post this web site.
www.ranchhope.org/

A group home might be something to look into. I don't know what is around your area, but I know that Ranch Hope has been a blessing for many families over the years.

As far as him kicking someone and then saying just cuz....as long as you take that for an answer only, and not get to behind the answer he will keep giving it, without elaborating.

I hope things get better soon

[tridlette]

I know you want to throw in the towel this week, but just take it one day at a time. If you are at all interested in the place Kaiti mentioned, just an FYI. Kaiti lives about 1 1/2 hours from Centre Square... KWIM?

I hope the holiday weekend gives you all a chance to unwind a little and things are better with the short school week that follows.

EXTRA HUGS for you!

[Linda]

I think you probably feel you are throwing your child away if you agree to a group home. Am I right?

It may be exactly what your precious boy needs though.

You need to think of YOU NOW You are going to go off the deep end if you don't get some rest and some measure of peace.

Please consider it....you are a good mom who has done everything in her power to help ds.

We are here for you.

[StrugglingAgain]

Oh boy, do you have that right! I'd feel so guilty that I'd not have a minute of peace with him not here. No, it's not the time for him to go anywhere yet. Actually, when I flew into a rage a couple of nights ago might have been the best thing for him. He's been rather pleasant since. Could it be that he almost saw me acting like him?

Last night when it was bedtime he told me he was going to sleep in his room! He's not slept in his room in years and years! Anyway, he did go to sleep there, but I heard him come down the stairs at 12:30 and get onto the sofa. Oh well, at least it felt like a beginning. Does anyone else feel like their child is up their nose holes? I don't even get a cup of coffee down in the morning before he's up and I think he's still talking to me when I fall asleep at night. I don't know about you, but I wanted to be as far away from my parents as I could get!

Thanks for your support. I'll be ok. A few years ago I had to learn the hard way how tough I am.

[loveforeric]

S/A;

I just read your post and I want you you to know I entirely understand feeling like you are done. Been there done that. Actually I think that alot at times.

My ds9 is in the same attitude lately.... I have been at my wits end with him. He seems to like it when I get really upset.
This week I have been trying to ignore him, I will let you know when it works .

I hope you have a better couple of days.

Have apeaceful day,
Christina

[CrazyNana]

Hi, I'm new at this....well too your site. I have a 9 1/2 year old Grandson with ADHD. I think ODD too, but has not been confirmed. He is not seeing a therapist at this time, as he came to live with us over a year ago and that seemed to help his problems immensely. But NOW, it's a different story. I can relate to everything everyone is saying and I am so frustrated I could scream! Which I do! And I cry and wonder how I can do this the rest of his years coming up. I am 53, have a lot of patience and understanding, have him involved in sports. He does well in school, but at home he is defying every thing we say. Yelling, screaming, throwing things, etc. Early morning, and evenings are prime time for this. So, every day is miserable. I can use all the helpful suggestions I can get!

[Kaiti]

Welcome to the family Nana :-XYou are so much an angel to your grandson, he might not realize it now, so I'll let you know that first off.

Next I'd like to say, look around.....vent, cry, scream, hollar, what ever it is that you need to feel relief. Heck do it, we can't hear ya anyhow. We just "see" ya hear...haha, sorry couldn't resist that one

Anyhow, all dumb questions have been asked by me and another memeber Tridlette, so fire away. You already went through the parenting thing since this is your grandson, so we might be firing away at you too.

Take Care
Kaiti

[Linda]

:)CrazyNana and welcome I too am a gramma raising a grandson since he was an infant and Paul is now 17...ADHD and he is doing well.

I remember age 9!! Is your gs on meds? The fact that he does well in school is a good thing. He is letting all his frustrations out at home where he feels safe.

Maybe a therapist is in order? Linda