I Saw My Son Today

[alexsmom]

I am new to your board. When my son, Alex, was just 5 yrs. old I wrote a poem about my experiences with him and his ADHD. He is 11 yrs. old now. I would like to offer hope and inspiration to those of you who are living with this everyday and reassure you that you are not alone. Being on meds is a way of life for us now and I know in my heart that it only helps him to be the child that he was always meant to be. Still, the guilt is always there.

I Saw My Son Today

I saw my son again today
So sweet and kind he was
I wanted it to last forever
But I know it never does

He was as I remember him
As days like this are few
He wraps his arms around my waist
And says "Mommy, I love you"

Please stay with me, son, don't go away
My arms ache for you once more
For when I kiss your sweet face goodnight
I know not what lies in store

The morning comes, the child I see
Is not my child at all
Who is this boy who takes your place?
Why have you come to call?

With tears in your eyes
And rage in your heart
I watch you suffer so
I find I can neither help you
Nor can I let you go

Be careful whom you tell
For some don't understand
I cannot bear words against you
I need a helping hand

The sleepless nights, the loss of hope
The guilt I feel inside
No one can know the sadness I feel
The countless tears I've cried

Until you've lived this nightmare
It's hard for you to see
The incessant pain a parent feels
Whose child has ADD

Teacher's nightly phone calls
Daily notes sent home
A regular in the Principal's office
How long can this go on?

Ritalin, Adderall, Clonidine
You know them all so well
Your head aches, your tummy hurts
Your life is a living hell

How can you understand
The many pills you take?
How do you tell a child of five
That it's for his own sake?

He looks to me and trusts me
My love I do profess
For if he doesn't take those pills
He thinks I'll love him less

I search the Net, I read the books
I have to take a breath
For when I read what lies ahead
My son, I'm scared to death

His brothers, they are loving
And patient as can be
I fear the day it takes its' toll
And damage we will see

They vie for our attention
But never seem to mind
When once again our time is spent
With one who's far behind

They protect him from himself
And never question why
They love him unconditionally
True brothers 'til they die

I want for you so many things
Above all to be free
Of demons lurking in your soul
From which you cannot see

I pray to God, I beg of you
Give me the pain he feels
You are a God of love, I know
Stretch out your hand that heals

Tomorrow is another day
My search for you will endure
My beautiful son, I will never give up
For hope to find a cure.

[Douglas]

Alexsmom, that is beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing it!

Doug

[Dad2Brooke]

WOW

[Beckie]

Can I just say how wonderful that was? I admit, I've read it twice now, and cried both times. What a beautiful, heartfelt tribute to your wonderful son!
Thank you so much for sharing.

Beckie

[alexsmom]

Thank you for your very kind comments.
Alex was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 3 yrs. old but at 18 months I knew there was a problem. It's been a long journey since I wrote that poem and it continues everyday.

Right now, he's on Adderall once a day in the mornings as the Metadate just didn't seem to hold him for very long. My husband and I swear that the drug companies put placebos in every other pill. With Adderall he becomes very emotional, either experiencing rages or bouts of crying. This does not happen all the time so we're at a point where it's the lesser of the two evils. When it works, it works great. This is where we're at until something better comes along.

This forum is great. I'm excited to be a part of it.

[matjosjoloml]

Alexsmom, What a wonderful poem about parent perspective. I'm on both sides of the coin--a parent going through the med roller coaster and I also work in the schools. I've been asked by my administrator to prepare a workshop for teachers regarding strategies to use with unmedicated ADHD students. I'd love to include your poem, with your permission and credit to you, to give them a parents perspective. Again, wonderfully put, matjosloml

[jamiemaarie28]

wow! i can't seem to stop crying after that one, it just kinda explains all. doesn't it?

[alexsmom]

matjosjoloml and anyone else, please do pass this poem along to anyone that you know. Hopefully, it will offer some kind of solace to those of us who are dealing with this by just knowing that we all live this together with our kids. Not a bad idea for those not touched by ADHD to read it also. Ignorance is bliss as demonstarted by some pretty uneducated remarks I've heard over the years by friends and family members who simply do not understand what ADHD is all about.
Thanks for passing it along.

[Linda]

With a mom like you..your son is going to grow up to be a beautiful human being...Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful poem. ;D

[alexsmom]

That's nice, thanks.

[Veronika]

THAT IS ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL!!!!

Can I have your permission to post that on the front page somewhere? Once I figure out how to do it

I don't think I have ever read anything as loving and honest as that poem. Do you write many poems?

I have to say that your son is very lucky boy to have a mother like you!

[alexsmom]

What a nice compliment! Thank you. I tell him how lucky he is but for some reason he doesn't believe me ;D
Yes, you can certainly post it anywhere you'd like. It's the only poem I've ever attempted but I was so bottled up with emotions at the time I wrote it that it was really more to save my own sanity than anything else. I refer to it often when times get really, really bad.
Lately he's had a growth spurt and I believe his meds are not as effective. I never know when he comes home from school which Alex he'll be. Unusually silly, angry or sad and withdrawn. There seems to be no middle ground anymore.

[Honeysmom]

I just love that poem. I read it everyday since you have posted it. It explains my son to a tee. I even copied it to microsoft word so I never lose it. Thank you so much for sharing that with us....Becky

[mommy007]

WOW - I'm still wipeing the tears out of my eyes. Your poem is very touching - Your child is blessed to have a mom like you!

[LitlBaa]

Your poem is just beautiful, it really captures everyday life in my house. I never know which Katie I have to deal with from moment to moment.