Why is it....

[Linda]

Got that right Anne....when Paul was 13 and if he had even mentioned he wasn't going to take his meds....OMG can you see me shiver

[camismom]

Amen to that! Living with this 13 yr old is like be on an emotional roller coaster ride! I usually love roller coasters, but not this one!

[kstquilter]

christy!
congrats on having a daughter smart enough and mature enough to go back on the meds since she seems to need them.
i sure wish i could get dd to understand all that.
she just told me today that one of her really good friends from high school rarely gets in touch with her when she comes home from school.
i'd like to sit down and talk to her about how much evreyone had changed by going away and without her taking meds, she's just overwhelming and more immature than they kids they live with and go to school with.
i always try to be diplomatic when i talk to her because i hate it that she gets her feelings hurt but feel like it's part of my job to help her understand what's happening around her.
i don't think she understands that very few high school friends remain friends for many years although i know some do. this girl has probably outgrown dd.
we'll see if there's a good time to bring up the subject or if i'll just let it go.
give cami a big hug!
karen

[camismom]

Thanks Karen... but I can say I understand what you're going thru with your dd too. Sadly most of us do go our seperate ways after graduation. I understand too what you're saying about your dd being overwhelming and immature compared to her peers... but I don't think it's non-med or med related. I just think it's ADHD related. It's a known fact that our kids have a harder time making and keeping friends. You probably don't have to tell your dd that, I'm sure she already knows. This is something Cami deals with pretty frequently. It is sad to see them get their feeling hurts. All we can do is love them and show them that they will always have a friend in us. Even when we feel like ringing their necks!

Thanks for the compliment... but don't knock yourself. You're doing the best you can for your dd just as I am for mine.

I'll give Cam that hug and I pass one on to you as well.

[kstquilter]

thanks for the hug christy!
you're right dd does know she loses friends because she's done it all her life.
i guess that's why i've tried to talk to her, mention that she talks too much, too loud and interrupts all the time aside from the topics she talks about, etc.
i agree that it's a adhd related problem but think she seems a little quieter and less overwhelming when on medication.
she had a couple of friends over the other day and she was super wired as she had just finished finals the previous day.
i walked past them and one of her friends asked, in front of her, if she had an off switch. i told him i didn't think so but would pay him if he found it!
i did talk to her yesterday a little and just mentioned that he was probably trying to tell her nicely to calm down a little.
i think it helps some that these kids aren't around her all the time but on the other hand, she's probably even more overwhelming to be around once they aren't used to being with her.
now her friends are all going to be juniors in college in the fall and almost all are leaving the dorms and getting apartments. i see her falling further and further behind in the maturity department.
i keep hoping she'll go away to school this fall and start to catch up a little.
it is so sad to watch how much they get hurt every time they lose a friend. might even be harder for us because i'm not sure they always see the slights others give them. at least brittany doesn't always see them, especially when she was younger, because she misses so many social cues.
thanks again for the hug!
karen

[camismom]

Karen,

Have you ever thought about talking to Brittany's friends and explaining to them the ADHD and how sometimes she can't help her actions? I have done this a couple times with a couple of Cami's friends and it seems to help some. It helps them to understand her better. Once when taking one of Cami's friends home from a night at our house, her friend starting talking to me about how different Cami is at night then at school sometimes. I explained to her that is because while at school she is on her medication, and at night she's not. I asked A if she has ever noticed when staying the night with us how Cami is so completely wired around 6:00 p.m and sometimes a little over-emotional? She said yes. I then explained to her that that is the time her med is usually wearing off and it makes her that way. I told her that Cami really is a good person inside and really cherishes her friendships. I thanked A for being a good friend to her and "putting uip" with her sometimes when I know it is hard. I said just be patient with her when she's going thru her spells and you will get the pay off in the end. This was a 12 year old I spoke to and she got it. IOf these friends of Brittany's are college-aged then they will too. I think her friend handled things right when he jokingly asked her if she had an off switch. This was a gentle way for him to tell her she needed to come down a bit. Explain that to Brittany and let her talk with her friends too and go over ways they can help her without insulting her and hurting her feelings.

ADHD is something most kids know about today as they have always had at least one kid in their class with it. You'd be surprised at how understanding and even helpful they can be when they know that is the cause.

Good luck.

[kstquilter]

thanks christy,
almost all of brittany's friends know she has adhd and several of them have it as well. but they all seem to have a better handle on it than she does, except one who is completely out of control most of the time and he's older than she is.
i've tried talking to her all her life about things her friends have said and done and told her she needs to ask for help, take her meds, see a therapist, any solution that might help her.
none of it ever seems to have a bearing on how she behaves. after her friend asked for an off switch, she continued on as she had all day.
this particular friend does know about adhd because he has it. but he stays so much calmer than she does. i'm not sure if he takes meds or not. he obviously has different parts of adhd than she does but he does understand.
i guess i keep hoping if i can make her understand and get the help she needs to help herself that she might be able to keep more friends. she won't be able to explain to every person she meets that she has a problem. i know cami is younger and i'm glad to see her friends are understanding.
most bosses won't care and may hire her but doesn't mean she'll be able to keep a job. the same with her losing her license for three months. the dmv doesn't care and she's paying the price as are we since we're the ones running her around trying to get her to school and work.
sorry christy, i hope i didn't come off as unappreciative of your advice because that's not it at all. most of her friends over the years have known about her adhd and i've talked to some of them. most of them have understood either becuase they have it as well or because they were old enough to understand. but it doesn't usually keep them around for the long haul. they are just so much work to be around and then other kids don't want to hang out with the friend and brittany so the friend starts hanging out with the other kids and brittany isn't included, etc. and of course with older kids comes older problems like jobs, serious relationships, drinking, sex, driving.
wow! not sure where all that came from. i guess i just worry about her in life since she doesn't seem to be getting the help she needs.
karen

[camismom]

You didn't come across as unappreciative at all. It was just a rambling thought I had. I hope Brittany can find direction with her life and be happy. I hope that for both of you. Sometimes our kids just have to find their own way and learn lessons the hard way. She's an adult now, you've done all you can to steer her in the right direction. It is up to her to decide which fork in the road she wants to take.

[kstquilter]

christy,
i'm so glad i didn't offend you. you're right, she is an adult and i've done my best. but since she still lives at home, her problems are our problems.
i am trying to let go more and more which would be much easier if she was away at school!
however she informed dh that she'd be at the community college another full year. oh goody!
i love her more than my own life but she has driven us nuts long enough! she needs to get out and learn on her own. she is definitely one of those kids.
karen